Author Topic: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!  (Read 140716 times)

Offline haf1zur

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #780 on: 20 October 2010, 07:59 »
I finally realise why Madeleine McCann was never found.

The Americans were sent to rescue her

Offline haf1zur

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #781 on: 20 October 2010, 07:59 »
Rooney has said to the media he wants to quit his job.

DreamWorks hasn't yet released a statement...

Offline MrBounce

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #782 on: 21 October 2010, 18:53 »
A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a
 new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small
knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and
could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the
effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman
wanted 'The Knob.'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob,
and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young
looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with
two problems.


'All these years, everything has been working just
fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and
I've always loved the results. But now I've
developed two annoying problems: First, I have these
terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid
of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those
aren't bags, those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in
asking about the goatee.'



Keeping schtum. Mostly.

Offline mongchops

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #783 on: 22 October 2010, 09:37 »
Peter Andre just got a job in a Chilean coal mine. Apparently four years experience of humping slag and lifting a heavy spade did the trick!

Offline asif

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #784 on: 22 October 2010, 09:41 »
Rooney has said to the media he wants to quit his job.

DreamWorks hasn't yet released a statement...
I don't get that one?
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Offline 2001gti4

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #785 on: 22 October 2010, 09:44 »
Rooney has said to the media he wants to quit his job.

DreamWorks hasn't yet released a statement...
I don't get that one?
Shrek....
My Golf is dead but at least I have this....

Offline justalex81

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #786 on: 22 October 2010, 10:36 »
Rooney has said to the media he wants to quit his job.

DreamWorks hasn't yet released a statement...
I don't get that one?


Offline Neo Badness

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #787 on: 22 October 2010, 12:26 »
Rooney has said to the media he wants to quit his job.

DreamWorks hasn't yet released a statement...
I don't get that one?



Something to do with looking like Shrek I assume?

You don't own a Mk2, you support it.

Offline The Mighty Elvi

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #788 on: 22 October 2010, 14:34 »
Peter Andre just got a job in a Chilean coal mine. Apparently four years experience of humping slag and lifting a heavy spade did the trick!

 :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:


Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the
punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to
select his first punishment.

First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The
new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next
room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire.

The new guy immediately asks to see the third room. It has an
really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a
gorgeous blonde.

The guy jumps at the chance and takes the room.

The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder
and says “okay, you can stop now.  You’ve been relieved”.




Offline luke

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #789 on: 24 October 2010, 10:59 »
A woman stopped me in the street and asked why I was wearing sunglasses.

"I'm blind," I replied.

"Oh, I see," she said.

"f**k off, don't rub it in."

-------------------------

Who's in charge of a sperm bank?

A wank manager.

------------------------

Why did my wife cross the road?

To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three f**king hours ago.

-----------------------

Whoever said women can multitask is talking bollocks.....

I told my missus to sit down and shut the f**k up, she couldn't do either !
1985 mk2 gti type 19 8v
2018 t roc sel 1.6tdi