Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[MrBounce]

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
 

A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?" 
 
The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am.  But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"

The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?"

The assistant replied, "Because you're in Halfords."

[Jay]

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

[VR6_Wherry]

Did you know that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

[mumbles]

Did you know that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Did you also know that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy?

[tom-gardiner]

Did you know that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Did you also know that 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy?

 

[Jack3559]

You know what I hate about gang rape?







Going last.

[myvr6isarocket]

My mates shagging twins who both like it up the arse,
I asked how do you tell them apart?
He said "Oh thats the easy bit, Sally's got massive tits and a nice shaved fanny and Dereks got a moustache and big bollocks"

[Jay]

I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.



So I pushed her over.

[mongchops]

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding
The most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale
In the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50%
When her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in
A terrible car accident and was in critical condition in the ICU.
The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that
She'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she
Was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the
Boutiques.

She decided to get in a couple more shops before heading to
The hospital.

She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with
A cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of
The last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband.

Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the lady doctor in
The corridor and asked about her husband's condition.

The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and
Finished your shopping trip, didn't you! I hope you're proud of
Yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself
In town, your husband has been struggling in the Intensive Care Unit!
It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more
Than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of
His life he will require round-the-clock care. And that will now be
Your new career!'

At this the woman broke down and sobbed.

The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg.
He's dead, show me what you bought!

[mongchops]

Worried your pension will run short?

So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you -

What do you do?

Senior Health Care Solution Inc.

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets.
You are allowed to shoot 2 MPs and 2 illegal immigrants!
Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need!

New teeth? - No problem.

Need glasses? - Great.

New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart?

All covered.


(And your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now).



And who will be paying for all of this?

The same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home!!!



Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay income tax any more.




IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?