Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[haf1zur]

I see that India have just sent up their first rocket to the moon...

Just goes to show they really will deliver their takeaways anywhere!!

[houston]

David cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week the forms will only be printed in english.

[mcgee9t2]

A policeman spots a huge black guy dancing on the roof of a ford car.
He radios for backup
"What's the situation?"
A big fat black bloke is dancing on a car roof"
"Yo can say that over the radio" replies the operator,"you have to use the politically correct terminology"
"Ok "he says:
"Zulu ... Tango ... Sierra"

[MissGTI]

Do you reckon they called the saw films saw so that people would say:
"Did you see saw?"
"Yeah I saw Saw."
"Did you see Saw 2?"
"I saw Saw 2 too"

[moutains]

vicar has a mate over for tea he sees a parrot with a red ribbon on one leg and a blue ribbon on the other leg he asks what they are for the vic says if you pull the red one the bird will say the lords prayer if you pull the blue one he will sing stand up for jesus have a go while i make coffee so he does and the parrot does his stuff he then asks the vic what happens if he pulls the two together the parrot shouts ill fall off my perch you stupid cnut

[jimmyb]

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep;

if I die before I wake

will someone please delete my internet browser history.

lmaooo like it,robbing it

[MissGTI]

A play school kid told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do u know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT?! ?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise. “You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

[mcgee9t2]

Do you reckon they called the saw films saw so that people would say:
"Did you see saw?"
"Yeah I saw Saw."
"Did you see Saw 2?"
"I saw Saw 2 too"

what about saw 3?
no i saw  saw 4
what did you see saw 4 for befor 3for?

[*tell*]

Went to a charity disco last week in aid of women born without legs, dance floor was crawling with f*nny. 

[Martz]

Female driving instructors.

The equivalent of Kate and Gerry McCann teaching child care!