update : went out to the car after work last night... and would you believe this... it started first time
not happy at all, been 2days without the car because it was 20miles away and didnt want to go out there without a few relays. unlocked the car, put the key in, thought to myself "meh, i'll try it fors sh!ts and giggles" and it started up straight away.
drove it home without changing a thing before it decided it didnt want to play anymore. after an hour or 2 speaking to a few mates, changed over the Fuel Pump relay and bloody hell what a difference!!! the holding back is gone, i did about 35 miles and it used roughly a gallon (a hell of a lot better than 8.5mpg thats for sure!!) and the cat is no longer going bright orange.
on a different note... i did go to change relay 30 (ECU relay)... but one slight problem... there isnt one

there's not one in my car or my friends 1.4, so am guessing only the GTi's had ECU relays?

will still be testing with VAGCOM when i get hold of a lead just to make sure all is well, because i dont see how the fuel pump relay would stop the coil sparking, so am guessing the problem of the random death is still there, but all the other problems are sorted. will keep you's updated with what the actual problem is. just a bit strange that it refused to start that morning even after leaving it for 3/4 hours, yet, i go back 2days later, and she starts first time
