Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[mongchops]

A man walks into a petrol station and says

"Can I please have a kitkat chunky".

The lady behind the till gets him a kitkat chunky and brings it back to him.

"No" says the man. "I wanted a normal kitkat you fat b!tch"

[mongchops]

Just when you thought Maddy McCann was going to smash the European Hide and Seek record, some Austrian pipes up with 24 years in a f**king cellar!!

[mongchops]

When an Austrian father was asked about teaching sex education to kids, he said he thought it was best to keep them in the dark as long as possible.

[mongchops]

When asked by the Austrian media if he had ever met Josef Fritzels daughter Alice, The family's next door neighbour replied " Alice?, who the f**k is Alice?, For twenty four years I've been living next door to Alice?

[mongchops]

What did the lepper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

[mongchops]

Q: How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
A: The hotdogs all taste like sh!t!

[mongchops]

Essex girl is involved in a bad car crash. When the paramedics arrive she's trapped in the car and in a panic.

"Calm down Miss" says the paramedic, "You'll be OK. I'm going to do a few quick tests before we move you. Can you tell me how many fingers I've got up?"

"Oh sh!t" says the girl,"I can't tell, I must be paralysed from the waist down!"

[mongchops]

Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find
that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or their lips to lip-read. After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.

"Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times."

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He suggests to his wife if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his willy one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his cock two hundred and fifty times.

[mongchops]

Bloke out for a walk sees a fit blonde gal on the edge of a cliffe, he says 'are you goin to jump?' she says 'yeah!'
he says' before you do would you give me a blow job?' she says ok and gives him the best BJ he's ever had. After he shoots his load he says 'i can't beleive that you would want to kill yourself with a talent like that!' She says ' i know its just that my parents just can't accept me dressing like a woman!'

[mongchops]

How does every black joke begin?

With a look over your shoulder.