Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[MrBounce]

Roses are red
Violets are glorious
Never sneak up
On Oscar Pistorious

 

[Khare]

Poor guy 

Hasn't got a leg to stand on.

[MrBounce]

I don't know why they call him Blade Runner. He didn't use a knife, and he didn't flee.

[Len]

The Popes Last Breakfast - Ex Benedict

[Seanl]

Brilliant! 




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syRQ7iShpzY

[baxxy]

"Go and have a look at the size of the sh!t I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.
 
"No thanks," she replied.
 
"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it, it's a good two pounder."
 
Shaking her head in disbelief, she pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."
 
I said, "It's on the scales!"

[Len]

 
 
 Condoms don't guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband!
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A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.
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Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
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A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
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In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been
confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mum's.
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63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning.
It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed..
The police are blaming AL IKEA .

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Jonathan Ross has been accused
of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

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Police stop a Pakistani in his transit on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?" The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that - 3 of you have got to get out!"
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Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo
with blood pouring from them..
"Bugger  that" said Paddy
"That's the last time I go lion dancing"
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8 immigrants were suffocated in the back of
a Tesco lorry last night. Every little helps.
 
 
 

[Len]

Rolf Harris's song list now has new meaning!

Two Little Boys
Jake the Peg

etc.

[JC]

So todays revelations about rolf harris puts a whole new slant on his song " 2 little boys " doesnt it 

[Len]

..... and not forgetting Tie me Kangaroo down sport!