Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[Len]

Adults only
 
NUDE SANTA -----




Scroll down to see the nude Santa

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For crying out loud.  Act your age.  There is no Santa !

Sometimes I just can't believe you!!!
 

[Len]

Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove...
 
A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related...
 
Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8....
 
I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency...
 
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police womans uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him
 
I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day. Apparently, 'A meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number 69
 
Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy as he nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy.
He calls down to Murphy and says, "I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick."
Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies "No I only live round the corner."
 
After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanics swimming pool was still full!

[Len]

For years four mates each took a week off work to go fishing together.
This year, Ron’s wife put her foot down and told him he wasn’t going.
 
Bitterly disappointed, he phoned the others and told them he wasn’t
allowed to go.

Two days later, the other three arrived at their usual campsite only to see Ron sitting there with his tent already set up.

‘Ron,’ they said, ‘How did you talk your missus into letting you come?’

‘Well, yesterday evening after my wife had finished reading ‘Fifty
Shades of Grey’ she dragged me upstairs and into the bedroom. On the bed she’d put handcuffs and ropes. She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. Then she said ‘Now do whatever you want.
So here I am.’

[MrBounce]

When I was a kid, mum would send me down the shops with £1 and I'd get 3 pints of milk, a couple of loaves of bread, half a dozen iced buns, a bag of sweets and a big bottle of pop.

Can't do that now. Too many bl**dy security cameras.

[tweed]

Went round my mates and caught him wrapping his hamster up in tape.
I said "what are you doing you cruel bastered?"
He said "im wrapping it up so it doesn't split when I f**k it"

[haf1zur]

Is it too late for Tesco Burgers jokes? yay or neigh?

[haf1zur]

Zebra DNA was found in Tesco bar codes!

[haf1zur]

Those Aldi horse burgers were nice, but I prefer My Lidl Pony

So horsemeat has been found in TescoProducts but a spokesman says It's bollocks

A woman has been taken to hospital after eating horsemeatburgers. Her condition is said to be stable.

Good thing about these horse puns is it's stopped all the sick Jimmy Saddle jokes

[mcgee9t2]

Think im receiving death threats, just woke up with a tesco burger on the pillow next to me

[MrBounce]

Veggie burgers affected too - full of Uniquorn.