Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[kr1s77]

The wife just told me that she's pregnant and expecting twins at Christmas.


She's going to make a fantastic single mum 
               

[mongchops]

Five secrets to a perfect relationship
1 It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans & has a job.
2 It's important to have a woman you can trust and would never lie.
3 It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
4 It's important to have a woman who is good in bed & likes being with you.
5 It's absolutely vital that these four women don't know each other.

[whiter_than_white]

A prostitute gets a picture of Wayne Rooney and Ryan Giggs tattooed onto the insides of her thighs and says to a customer 'if you can guess who those Man United Players are i'll give you a free shag' the man reply's 'I don't know who they are but the one in the middle with the big lips and the curly hair is Rio Ferdinand!

[JDM82]

Katie Price has yet another tattoo...............

She has a picture of Clark Kent on one ankle and a picture of superman on the other..........

You never see them together! 

[Rhyso]

Liverpool are pleased to see Swansea get promoted. It gives them the chance to play in another country next season

Some say that Sepp Blatter's behaviour has crossed the line. But thanks to his refusal to allow the relevant technology, we may never know.

[MrBounce]

Told my girlfriend she reminded me of a toe.

"Is it because I'm small and cute?"

"No, it's coz I'll probably end up banging you on the coffee table when I'm drunk."

[Jonnys07]

Wayne Rooney has had a hair Transplant. Thats a bit like putting a thatched roof on a sh!t-house......It might keep the flies off but ultimately there's still a large turd underneath

[moutains]

goy goes in a pet shop says i want to buy a wasp owner says we dont sell wasps guy says well you got one in the window.

what do dyslexics eat for breakfast SPECIAL M

[MrBounce]

Nearly bought Kate McCann's book about poor little Maddie today.

Then I changed my mind and thought, "Fcuk it, I'll wait until someone leaves it in a hotel room."

[mcgee9t2]

My gf texted me 'I'm horny. Tell me something hot'
So I replied ' I'm hot and sweaty, working out'
She sent back ' oh what you working out at the moment?'
I said'I'm working out how to flush my massive sh!t'


The other half said to me"I'm bored can we try a new position?"
"No," I replied in a manly voice, "you're staying in the passenger seat were you belong!"

Just had a bloke at the door asking if I wanted to buy a raffle ticket for black orphans. I told him with my luck ide probably win one.


My friend was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a wank. I said "mate that's 3 schools this year, you want to stop before your banned from teaching altogeather".


I was feeling down earlier so I dipped my muslim friend in bleach. Thought ide lighten mahmood.

Today in a opinion poll I was asked 'if you could eliminatte a race from the 2012 olympics, which would it be?' Naturally I said nniggers. Aparently most people said the 1000 metres.