Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[MrBounce]

Got thrown out of my local swimming pool the other day due to the unsightly bulge in my Speedos. When I complained, pointed to a guy wearing a similar pair and said

"What about him then? Why hasn't he been chucked out too?"

the manager said

"Because he hasn't sh!t himself"

[Len]

Female driving instructors.

The equivalent of Kate and Gerry McCann teaching child care!

 

[Hulmie]

A scientist has created a Bra that Stops tits from bouncing and Nipples from showing through.

His colleagues have beaten the crap out of him

[Sam]

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,’Things are great and I’ve never felt better.’ I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. “So what do you think about that Doc ?” The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. “I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.”

One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.”

“As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge. He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang’.” “Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that ?” asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said ,

“Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.” The doctor replied , “My point exactly.”

[MissGTI]

A scientist has created a Bra that Stops tits from bouncing and Nipples from showing through.

His colleagues have beaten the crap out of him

lol my hubby liked that

[MissGTI]

What's warm & damp and no place for a baby?

Lily Allen's womb apparently... 

Thats just f**king sick

[ramps]

Lilly allen has now lost two childeren

should've gone to specsavers       

[mongchops]

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (in a Mk3, 10 mph over the 30mph
limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a copper with a radar
gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I
work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I
slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot ass hole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[MissGTI]

  lol

[R32UK]

lol

Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

It is extremely annoying when i click this thread i the hope that there is a new joke.. only to find that you/your hubby find something funny.

It is meant to be funny its a joke thread. We get it. thanks

p.s. shouldnt it be MrsGTI