Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[Neo Badness]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.  After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.  “Well,


Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
   
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. 

“Watson, you idiot!” he says.  “Someone has stolen our tent!”

-------------------------------------------------



Why do ducks have webbed feet?


To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?


To stamp out burning ducks

[golf-sib]

Good joke that one!

Now I want a sherlock holmes hat

[DarnPB]

A dislexic football fan has just arrived home after 10 weeks in jail during the South Africa world cup. He was apparently arrested for blowing a zuluvulva!

[MrBounce]

What do you call a woman with 2 c|_|nts??

N-dubz

[Neo Badness]

Good joke that one!

Now I want a sherlock holmes hat

http://www.molevalleyfarmers.com/mvf/store/products/deerstalker-hat?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=Google_Products&utm_campaign=Base

 

[DarnPB]

The reason there are so many stupid people about is because it is illegal to shoot them.

[moutains]

a woman went to the doctors telling him when she opened her legs a whistling came out he asked to demonstrate and sure enough it happened he was baffled he said he had a mate hed ring to get a second opinion  he rang him up and told him of the womans problem he said put the phone between her legs and ill listen so the doc did this and it happened again on asking his mate what he thought it could be he said oh some c--t whistling

[robz]

^.... get your coat!!

[Sam]

A couple of Chinese guys were selling watches on a stall in the market, so I asked my wife if she wanted one.

"I don't know," she said. "They look like they fell off the back of a lorry."

"I know," I said, "But their watches look pretty good."



It's funny how women change.
I never really noticed it until I set up my webcam in Topshop.




BBC News - British student dies two weeks after falling from a balcony in Majorca.

f**k, how high was that balcony!?

[Sam]

And one for good luck!

I pulled up next to a woman driver at the traffic lights today and shouted at her, "Hey. Don't you know how to use your f**king mirrors?"

"Yes, of course I do!" she snapped

I replied "Well try using one to put some make up on before you go out in public. You ugly b!tch!"