Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[moutains]

man went for a job on a building site scottish foreman said sorry we got no jobs but your a red indian aint you yes said the man not many of you left is there no said the man sorry we got no jobs said the scot he went to the next site irish foreman and asked if there were any jobs going no said paddy but your a red indian aint you yes said the man not many of you left is there no said the man moved on to next site big african foreman man asked any jobs no said african but your a red indian aint you yes said man not many of you left is there man said there wouldnt be many of you left if there was cowboys in africa

[mongchops]

Gary Glitter is currently en toute to Chile. Apparently, the news of 33 trapped and helpless miners was just too tempting!!!!

[mongchops]

Bloke goes up to a fat bird in a bar and says.
"f*cking hell, I'd give you one"
"f*ck off" she screams," I wouldn't screw you if you were the last bloke alive".
"woah, steady on" says the bloke " I was giving you marks out of ten ya fat c*nt"




My wife asked me where I'd like to be buried.

Apparently, up to my balls in her sister wasn't the right answer.



A girl in a bar said to me the other day,
"I wouldn't f*ck you if you were the last man alive",
so I leaned over and gently whispered,
"but who would be around to stop me?".
Wiped the smug grin off her face!

[bundy]

A woman goes to the doctors and tells him that she has 3 fannies, so the doc asks her to lay on the bed so he can have a look, and there it is 3 of them. the doc sits there thinking for a minute then says "ah, ive got just the thing for that"
When he comes back he puts a plaster over the left fanny and a a plaster over the right fanny and says " there you go all done."
The woman replies "am i cured?"
"No" says the doc "but it will stop you getting fu**ed left right and centre"

[golf-sib]

I just opened my wheelie bin and a wasp flew out.

What kind of sick f**k*r would throw a wasp in a bin?

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I was on Dragon's Den but got chucked out.

Apparently asking Deborah Meaden to "f**k off and get me a sandwich while the men talk business" is unacceptable.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers.

[mcgee9t2]

I feel sorry for the Mccann's, Maddie being the stig was their last hope.

[robz]

ouch ^

[mongchops]

Why do Cadburys make white buttons?


So black kids can have messy faces too.

[mongchops]

Somerset have beaten Pakistan by 5 wickets at Taunton next Thursday.

[luke]

Apparently, Alex Ferguson had an 80's themed party for his players.

Giggs arrived in a Cavalier, Scholes in a Sierra and rooney chose to come in an Escort.