Author Topic: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!  (Read 141712 times)

Offline Neo Badness

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #430 on: 14 November 2009, 19:58 »
Just in time for Christmas.....

The new scent from Jade Goody....


Decomposition.....


You don't own a Mk2, you support it.

Offline ade1703

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #431 on: 14 November 2009, 20:46 »
In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from North-western University
           
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

 Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

 Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Offline Shady Pioneer

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #432 on: 16 November 2009, 17:25 »
Picture the scene, it's snowing, and a snowman is formed in a garden.


2 days later the sun comes out and melts away all the snow.


Where the snowman used to be....was a suicide note.


 :grin: :grin: :grin:

Offline Roverdose

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #433 on: 19 November 2009, 18:15 »
Whats the ideal weight for the mother-in-law?




















about 10lb's 3oz including the urn


ian

Offline Jonnys07

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #434 on: 20 November 2009, 22:30 »
Why are wives like tornado's??









Because at the start there's a lot of sucking and blowing.......................... and then you lose your house!


Offline DarnPB

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #435 on: 25 November 2009, 17:58 »
Just been watching the news for the deaf. The person in the corner of the screen gave up trying after three attempts at 'Cockermouth'.

Jordan went to buy a new Bentley yesterday. She said she wanted in tailor made for Harvey. 'No problem' the salesman said. 'What flavour would you like the windows?'


THE FORUMS NUMBER ONE ANTI-FOOTBALL FAN!!!

Offline Roverdose

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #436 on: 26 November 2009, 18:54 »
This ones controversial as hell so if you offend easily dont read it!


Jordan goes into a garage and buys a brand new bentley.

"i want it modified for harvey"

she said.

"no problem"

Says the salesman,

"what flavour would you like the windows?"

Offline Neo Badness

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #437 on: 28 November 2009, 00:00 »
Women might be able to fake orgasms.
But men can fake whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone
“Women complain about pre-menstrual syndrome,
but I think of it as the only time of the month
that I can be myself."
-- Roseanne
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-b!tch."
-- Jack Nicholson
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning
to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
-- Robin Williams
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a thingy,
and only enough blood to run one at a time."
-- Robin Williams

You don't own a Mk2, you support it.

Offline Martz

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #438 on: 01 December 2009, 14:15 »
Sausages are the next thing that scientist can reveal that can cause cancer.


Well, if you smoke 40 sausages a day, it's your own fault!

Offline hib747

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #439 on: 06 December 2009, 09:51 »

New fragrances out for christmas...



Decomposure by jade goody.

last dance by patrick swayze

touch of youth by michael jackson

just for men by steven gateley

breathless by farrah fawcett

missing you by kate mcann

vacancy by boyszone