Author Topic: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!  (Read 140754 times)

Offline asif

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #650 on: 30 June 2010, 09:11 »
Well I suppose that was a text I recieved before the game so maybe I shouldn't have posted it. hey ho it's only a joke anyway
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Offline DarnPB

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #651 on: 26 July 2010, 13:06 »
 
 
 
I met a fairy today who granted me just one wish.


“I want to live forever.” I said.
 
 

“Sorry”, said the fairy,
 
“but I am not allowed to grant wishes like that.”

Fine I said,
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“I want to die when England win the World Cup”.

“You crafty b@stard!” said the fairy.

 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:


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Offline Len

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #652 on: 26 July 2010, 13:09 »
This used to be stickied! :rolleyes:
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Offline DarnPB

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #653 on: 26 July 2010, 13:54 »
Used to be. Had to use the search function to locate it as it was languishing in the archives. :undecided:


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Offline Len

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #654 on: 26 July 2010, 14:40 »
Well done that man!  :wink:
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Offline justalex81

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #655 on: 26 July 2010, 15:19 »
what's the best part about sex with a five year old boy?





watching him break down on the witness stand.





i'm leaving now i promise  :lipsrsealed:

Offline justalex81

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #656 on: 26 July 2010, 15:20 »
old macdonald had tourettes,  E-I CNUT SH1T WANK!

Offline ade1703

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #657 on: 02 August 2010, 09:14 »
 SCHOOL 1957 vs 2010

Scenario 1: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.


1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
 
2010 - Police called, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.  Both children go to anger management programs for 3 months.. School board hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programs
 
 
Scenario 2: Robbie won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
 
1957 - Robbie sent to office and given 6 of the best by the Head Teacher. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2010 - Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested forADD. Robbie's parents get fortnightly disability payments and School gets extra funding from state because Robbie has a disability.
 
Scenario 3: Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957- Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2010 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.
 
Scenario 4: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark gets glass of water from Principal to take aspirin with.
2010 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
 
Scenario 5: Ahmed fails high school English.
1957- Ahmed goes to evening classes, passes English and goes to college.
2010 - Ahmed's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. Class action lawsuit filed against state school system and Ahmed's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Ahmed given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
 
Scenario 6: Johnny takes apart leftover fireworks from 5th of November, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up an ant's nest.
1957- Ants die.
2010- MI 5 & MI6  & Anti-terrorism Squad called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, MI5 investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
 
Scenario 7: Johnny falls while running during school holidays and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957- In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing..
2010 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

 


Offline Neo Badness

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #658 on: 05 August 2010, 00:24 »
Used to be. Had to use the search function to locate it as it was languishing in the archives. :undecided:

Judging by the latest offerings perhaps it should have been left there.

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Offline mwep201081

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #659 on: 05 August 2010, 00:32 »
SCHOOL 1957 vs 2010

Scenario 1: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.


1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
 
2010 - Police called, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.  Both children go to anger management programs for 3 months.. School board hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programs
 
 
Scenario 2: Robbie won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
 
1957 - Robbie sent to office and given 6 of the best by the Head Teacher. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2010 - Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested forADD. Robbie's parents get fortnightly disability payments and School gets extra funding from state because Robbie has a disability.
 
Scenario 3: Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957- Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2010 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.
 
Scenario 4: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark gets glass of water from Principal to take aspirin with.
2010 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
 
Scenario 5: Ahmed fails high school English.
1957- Ahmed goes to evening classes, passes English and goes to college.
2010 - Ahmed's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. Class action lawsuit filed against state school system and Ahmed's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Ahmed given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
 
Scenario 6: Johnny takes apart leftover fireworks from 5th of November, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up an ant's nest.
1957- Ants die.
2010- MI 5 & MI6  & Anti-terrorism Squad called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, MI5 investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
 
Scenario 7: Johnny falls while running during school holidays and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957- In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing..
2010 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

 



Is that a joke or an article from the Mail