Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[Martz]

I'd just come out of the chippy with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days'I said 'I wish I had your f**king will power, mate'

[Martz]

Irelands worst air disaster struck today when a 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far. Digging continues.

[N900 MJT]

Martz - Stealing from Sickipedia i see!!! lol

[whiter_than_white]

ENGLAND!!!!!!! 

[mcgee9t2]

ENGLAND!!!!!!! 

 
knew that was coming before i opend the thread haha

[VR6Lee]

The USA may have ferked up our opening game at the world Cup. But at least we've ferked up their coastline. 

[moutains]

2 white south africans and 1 black s.african were in jail one white said to the other what did you get he said 10yrs what did you do? rape 10 yrs for rape thats not bad what did you get 5yrs what did you do? robbing a bank oh thats not bad they asked the black african what he got  life he said, they said what the hell did you do! riding a bike with no lights!

[VR6Lee]

BP have announced that Rob Green will take over as their CEO on Monday.

A BP spokesman described Rob Green as 'an expert on spillages and experienced in helping Americans through tough times'.

[am1w]

A guy goes into a female toilet by accident. Realises this but can't be bothered to leave. Does his business and tries to wipe himself. There is no toilet paper but he sees 4 buttons. Strange, he thinks.
Button 1 HW
Button 2 HA
Button 3 PP
Button 4 ATR
Conused, he decides to press HW. 'Hot Water' lights up and lovely hot water ism sprayed onto his bottom. So he gets it nicely washed.
Looks for towels to dry himself, none visible. So he decides to press HA. 'Hot Air' lights up and his bottom is dried with lovely hot air.
Delighted, he feels things can only get better. So he presses PP. 'Powder Puff' lights up and he has his bottom powdered. Now he is totally fascinated. He can't wait to press ATR. This can only get better he feels.
So he presses ATR. He is hit by incredible pain and collapses.
The next thing he knows when he regains conciousness is he is in a hospital bed with a nurse leaning near him.
He asks her, 'What happened'?
She retorts, 'You pressed ATR, silly boy'.
'Yes, I know', he says. 'What is ATR'?
The nurse replies, 'It's 'Automatic Tampon Removal' and your dick's under your pillow'!

[Rmachines]

NHS Have done a survey on thingy size,  they told every one with a thingy size of 3.4 Inches or less to put an England flag on their car