first thing you do when you buy a new car?

[JC]

change the wheels and then stick it up for sale 

[richw911]

change the wheels five times and then stick it up for sale 

Fixed 

[tweed]

go to my mates long roman road on his farm and do a top speed run. If you can get 110mph when you pass the tree its a good car 

but that's only with good history. If it hasn't then a service and cam belt kit is first thing to do.

[james2]

Sell your old car. 

[dubber36]

detail and protect it of course? 

... or to the local hand wash place. It will only get dirty again 

When a neighbour suggested that cleaning my car was a waste of time, as it would only get dirty again, I asked him if he had wiped his arse that morning.

[VeeDubGTI16v]

oil, filter and cambelt usually 

followed by a shakedown on the local twisties

[R32UK]

detail and protect it of course? 

... or to the local hand wash place. It will only get dirty again 

When a neighbour suggested that cleaning my car was a waste of time, as it would only get dirty again, I asked him if he had wiped his arse that morning.

I never stated I dont clean my arse... just that cleaning it before taking a sh!t is a waste of time.

[Sam]

detail and protect it of course? 

... or to the local hand wash place. It will only get dirty again 

When a neighbour suggested that cleaning my car was a waste of time, as it would only get dirty again, I asked him if he had wiped his arse that morning.

Brilliant! 

[Jack3559]

If it's anything like my mk4; replace the alternator, 2 days later the pick up pipe and 5 days after that a replacement  engine.

[Thom89]

My mate pisses over the bonnet of all his new cars, and they are new! From his Caterham, TT, to his DB7 and Noble, all christened!

Thom