and the other is nothing to shout about either
Actually it is (and I doubt you'd complain if it was on the driveway of your house):

That's an Audi A6 Quattro drivetrain underneath.
And the Golf's a third car.
Does the LazyThingy have a relay kit fitted? If not, must try harder, rather than just spending money on something when you're putting out too few volts to make the bulbs effective.
Since when has any G3 been 'slick'?
They're just lardy and adding tat like HIDs to them won't make it any better.