Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[â„¢MiKeYâ„¢]

Whats worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?

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Getting fingered by Captain Hook!

[jim182]

what has to legs n bleeds??














Half a dog!

[jim182]

Funeral service: when did you relise ya wife was dead?
Bloke: well the sex was the same but the pots just kept piling up

[mackavelli]

what does a bungee jump and a blowjob off a 90 year old woman have in common
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Both feel fantastic til you look down.

[Alpinehead]

Jake was dying, wife becky was by his bed. "becky" he said "theres somthing i must confess"  "shhh theres nothing to confess. its alright.  "no i must die in peace" said jake. i shagged your sister, your best friend, her mate and your mother!"   "i know" whisperd becky softly............

















thats why i poisoned you you b**tard!!!

[Tom H]

I was at the bar with 2 friends, when the question came up of why men call women women birds - one of my friends said "I think it's after doves, because they're peaceful" my other friend said "I think it's after a canary, becasue they sing so beautifuly" I said - I think it's after a thrush, because they're all irritating c*nts!"

[topher]

i know.. hundreds of these, and rarely get the chance to use them without offending people, oh well..

What's worse than than having Michael Jackson babysit your kids?

Having Ian Huntley bath them.


What is 18 inches long, stiff and makes women scream at night?

Cot death


Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?

God gave him his gas bill.

[mongchops]

A swimmer in the paralympics, no arms or legs, had been training for the 50 metre freestyle for four years by swimming using just his ears. comes the big day, the gun goes off, he dives in and sinks straight to the bottom of the pool and drowns. when he gets to the pearly gate, st peter asks what happened.

"Every thing was going great says the bloke" then some c*nt goes and puts a swimming hat on me"

[Alpinehead]

seems they have found a cure for homosexuallity........................




















lip balm..... 









rub it on ya bum hole and it keeps the chaps away!!!

[Tom H]

Bulimia: Twice the tatse, no calories!