Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[luke]

For Christmas I decided to give my girlfriend a ring.

Couldn't get through, so I left a voicemail.

[Bellend]

For Christmas I decided to give my girlfriend a ring.

Couldn't get through, so I left a voicemail.

Talisa?

Why didn't you just post on her wall?

[myvr6isarocket]

Whats the difference between Peanut Butter and Jam?




You cant Peanut Butter your c0ck up your birds ar$e

[simonpolly]

One day a monkey is walking through the jungle when he comes across a hyena all black and blue.
"What's happened to you ?" asks the monkey.
"well," says the hyena, "I have to walk this route every day, and for some reason the lion is waiting for me, and every day he jumps out and beats me senseless."
"I'll tell you what," replies the monkey,"tomorrow I will walk with you and when the lion jumps you, there will be two of us and we will give him a good kicking !!"
So tomorrow comes and the hyena and the monkey are walking through the jungle, when all of a sudden out pounces the lion from behind a tree and starts kicking two barrels of s***te out the hyena ,and the monkey shoots straight up the nearest tree..
After about 10 minutes the lion retreats leaving the poor hyena kicked to fook on the ground.
"What happened ? where were you, I thought you was going to help me " asks the battered hyena.
"I was," explains the monkey," but you was laughing that much I thought you was winning !!!!!"

[simonpolly]

A bloke is in the Super Market queue when he notices a rather dishy blonde across from him raise her hand and smile hello.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and
although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says
"Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one
of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time that he has been unfaithful.

"Christ!" he says "are you that stripper on my stag night, that I s*****d
on the pool table in front of all my mates, whilst your mate whipped me
with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my a**e?"

"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"

[Neo Badness]

A young punk rocker with a multi coloured mohawk is standing at a bus stop beside a middle aged business man.

The business man cannot stop looking at the punks hair until the punk turns to him and says "Didn't you do anything crazy when you were young?"

The business man replies, "Yes, I once f*cked a parrot and was trying to figure out if you were my son".

[mcgee9t2]

Why did a woman cross the road?

I set up my scalextric in the kitchen

[VR6_Wherry]

Why did luke cross the road?

Because like a good stalker he kept his distance so Talisa wouldn't suspect a thing..


 

[mcgee9t2]

Why did luke cross the road?

Because like a good stalker he kept his distance so Talisa wouldn't suspect a thing..


 

[MrBounce]

The detective in the Joanna Yeates murder case is saying that the murderer stole one of her socks.

Am I the only person thinking "Heather Mills"??