Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[DarnPB]

A man goes to the doctor complaining of an intense sore stomach ache.
The doctor tells him he has a very serious condition and prescribes a suppository, which must be inserted as deep as possible.

The doctor warns him that it will be painful and asks him to bend over before pushing the suppository deep up the man’s anus. He prescribes a second dose of the drug to be taken six hours later.

At home the man tries to insert the second suppository but he struggles to reach the required depth.

He calls for his wife for help.

She puts one hand on his shoulder to stabilise him and pushes the suppository in with her other hand.

Suddenly the man shouts out "B@STARD!"


"Sorry, did I hurt you?" asks his wife.


"No" replies the man, 

"but I've just realised that when the doctor put the first one in,

 

BOTH his hands were on my shoulders!"
 
 
 
 
 

[MissGTI]

I think all these people making jokes about Lily Allen are out of order...
Its not fair and I think your really mean....

[R32UK]

I think all these people making jokes about Lily Allen are out of order...
Its not fair and I think your really mean....

 

best one i have heard in ages!! here is another just for you missGT-eyeeeeeeeeee

I remember reading about Lily Allen's criticizing remarks regarding young mothers.

I find it a bit rich that she can freely degrade these women, considering she can't even keep her own children alive.

[VR6_Wherry]

Lily Allen is not a good joke.

Good jokes have successful deliveries. 
________________________________________________________

I heard Lily Allen lost her baby today.

Probably in Portugal.
_________________________________________________________

I bet Lilly Allen's regretting calling her debut album "Alright, Still". 

[N900 MJT]

I witnessed a fcuking cyclist jumping the traffic lights earlier.

He must have cleared them by about 5 feet, with help from my bumper and the kerb!!

[moutains]

man goes to a prostitutes parlour asks the madam if she has a woman with wrinkled tights, curlers in her hair, bad breath and a fag in her mouth the madam said are you kinky no he said im homesick

[MissGTI]

Guy says to his wife, “Alright you sexy thing, upstairs, now!”
The wife looks at him with a smile and says “Ohhhh, you horny bastard you!”
Guy reples “No seriously, the football is starting… f**k off upstairs!”

[luke]

Guy says to his wife, “Alright you sexy thing, upstairs, now!”
The wife looks at him with a smile and says “Ohhhh, you horny fatherless son you!”
Guy reples “No seriously, the football is starting… f**k off upstairs!”

I think Guy is a nice bloke, very good at cleaning cars aswell 

[MissGTI]

Guy says to his wife, “Alright you sexy thing, upstairs, now!”
The wife looks at him with a smile and says “Ohhhh, you horny fatherless son you!”
Guy reples “No seriously, the football is starting… f**k off upstairs!”

I think Guy is a nice bloke, very good at cleaning cars aswell 

huh??? 

[Phil1980]

Guy says to his wife, “Alright you sexy thing, upstairs, now!”
The wife looks at him with a smile and says “Ohhhh, you horny fatherless son you!”
Guy reples “No seriously, the football is starting… f**k off upstairs!”

I think Guy is a nice bloke, very good at cleaning cars aswell 

huh???