Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[mongchops]

Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
Cos when she takes it off you wonder where her tits went.

[moutains]

a blonde woman taps the window of a lorry at a junction tells the driver hes losing some of his load he drives off this happens at 2 more junctions, at the third he sees her coming and gets out excuse me she said your losing your load out the back i know he replied im a f----ing gritter

[Adam88]

Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you,
it's only when you leave her a virgin.

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror is when girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror is when both are pregnant!
Tragedy is when you are not responsible for both!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?

Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?
To see if you really mean it!

Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today, tomorrow you have to do it again.

Wives are funny creatures.
They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks
and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex.
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.

The stock markets now are like an old man's d**k?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone
is still getting screwed!

This week is Breast Awareness Week.
Spread the slogan .......

"We stare because we care!"

The saddest part of a man's body is his balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to "Hang Till Death!"

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby
is the result of standing cock.

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.

What's the difference between a bomb & a condom?
In a bomb blast, population decreases
BUT in a condom blast, population increases

[Neo Badness]

What's the difference between a cat and a trampoline?

You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline.




How many cats does it take to paint a room?


Depends how big they are and how hard you throw them.




How do you make a cat go woof?

Petrol. match. woof



How did the giants dog die?

Massive stroke.

[DrewiD]

^^  you no like da pussy then Neo?

[Neo Badness]

^^  you no like da pussy then Neo?

love em, got two.

However, upon reflection, when i said cat, I actually meant baby....

[mongchops]

Two blokes are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn, licking his balls.

One bloke says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that".

The other bloke says, "Don't you think you ought to get to know him first?"

[whiter_than_white]

the liverpool team coach has just entered france on its way to spain, the driver sat doing 70 of the motorways, when rafa turns to the driver and tells him to put his foot down! "But what about all of the speed camera's?" says the driver, to which rafa replies "hey dont worry about that, we need all the points we can get!!!   

[green_rizla]

In the bedroom...........

Husband says to his wife: Do you fancy playing the "Rape Game ?" ................. Wife says "No!"

Husband ................. "Thats the spirit!"   


Cheers to All
Peter

[VR6-Joe]

I'm voting for the Volcanic Ash Party in the election. They've stopped more immigration in 5 days than labour have in the past 10 years!