Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[johnsgti]

Paddy & Jimmy need a drink, they pool their money but only have 50p. Paddy takes the cash into the butchers & buys a sausage! They go into a bar, order 2 pints & down them. Before the barman asks for the cash Paddy puts the sausage into his fly & Jimmy sucks it. The barman throws them out. In the 10th pub Jimmy says "I can't do this anymore my knees are killing me". Paddy replies, "neither can I. I lost the sausage in the second pub!

[johnsgti]

Hi its Maddie. First my mummy & daddy ran off and left me, and now my boyfriend has died!

[bertmort8]

man tells doctor he fells like a pig

doctor says 'how long you felt like this'

man replies ' about a WEEEEEEEEEEK'

[Neo Badness]

What do you call a black man in charge of a aeroplane...?























The pilot you racist.....

[omex_uk]

whats black and doesnt work...










half of london 

[MrBounce]

Two Rabbits are locked in a cage in a test laboratory. They have both been there for many years. Suddenly there is a small explosion - it's the animal liberation front, who set the rabbits free.
 
They run all night, for miles and miles until eventually, they fall asleep by the edge of a field. They wake up the next day, and the younger one says to the other "What shall we do today?" Older one says "Let's go into the next field" They agree and go through the hedge. The field is full of carrots. "Waheyy!" they both shout and eat their way across the field until they feel so fat they can't move, so they fall asleep.
 
They wake up next day and the younger rabbit says "What shall we do today?" "Let's go into the next field". It's full of cabbages. "Waheyy!" and they eat their way across the field until they feel so fat they can't move, and they fall asleep.
 
Next day they wake up and the younger rabbit says "What shall we do today?" "Let's go into the next field". It is full of lettuce. "Waheyy!" The two rabbits gorge themelves and eat their way across the field until they feel so fat they can't move, and they fall asleep.
 
They wake up the next day and the younger rabbit says "What shall we do today?" "Let's go into the next field". It is full of female rabbits. "WAHEYY!!" shout the rabbits and do what rabbits do best all day long to their hearts content before falling asleep at the edge of the field.
 
Next day they wake up and the younger says "What shall we do today?" The older one replies "I think I'm gonna go back to the lab" "You what??!!" replies the incredulous younger bunny. "I know" says the older rabbit, "Life these last few days has been really sweet we've had as much food as we could ever wish for and those girlies, well, what can I say?? They were simply superb. Life's great, yes, but truth is mate, I'm dying for a fag!!"

[Jonnys07]

The jackson family have said they've not seen Michael this stiff since he watched Peter Pan!

[Martz]

These were customer comments entered on the Customer Comments page of the www.london-eating.co.uk website. Click on the title below for the entry comment and you will notice that the page was then disabled, not surprisingly............read on.....

1.0 Oxo Tower Restaurant review by rachel
When my boyfriend told me he wanted to take me up the Oxo Tower for my birthday, I was a bit hesitant at first because I didn't really think it was my scene. How wrong I was! I mean, yeah, so it's a bit of a strain on the old back pocket, and I admit I did feel a bit uncomfortable initially. But a couple of cocktails helped me relax and soon I was really getting into it - we carried on well into the night. It was a great experience and I really loved it - so much so that I won't let my boyfriend take me anywhere else now! So if anyone ever wants to take you up the Oxo Tower , just throw caution to the wind and go for it!
Saturday, December 22, 2007


Rather. I recomend the finger buffet
- Thursday, January 17, 2008


Ive been up the oxo tower many a time. I really feel it is a must if you have just met a new lady, then save it for special occasions, or what the hell, throw caution to the wind and visit there on a regular basis.
- Friday, January 18, 2008

I love being taken up the Oxo Tower, my boyfriend doesn't live in London so I've promised him we can try it next time he's down...He loves London Eating, he always up for a good munch!
Lillbet - Friday, January 18, 2008

The last time I took my wife up the Oxo Tower I had a beautiful cream pie for dessert. I would highly recommend this dish if you want something a little different. Very naughty but nice.
- Friday, January 18, 2008


I found that as soon as I entered there was a funny smell, and it could certainly have done with a clean, but besides all that I had a fantastic time
barrymore - Friday, January 18, 2008


I hear the 'Brown Windsor' is excellent for a starter.
Stu C - Friday, January 18, 2008

On the advice of many I decided to take my whole family up the OXO Tower (although my nan did object as she isn't too steady on her feet these days, took a while to convince her but eventually she caved in), I was surprised at just how accomodating they were! I must admit though that initially I just poked my head in to see what all the fuss was about and to 'check out' the ambience, which I found pleasantly warm and friendly! We all had a really great time and thankfully I remembered to bring my camera so I got some really good shots! Will definately go back, can't wait!
Lingers - Friday, January 18, 2008

I decided to take my elderly grandmother up the OXO Tower last weekend, It was a special treat for her and despite being in a wheelchair the access was non too painful. Even though my grandmother has difficulty swallowing, she woofed the boston brownie and cream down with absolute glee. We will definitely be back again and next time I might treat her to the spit roast, no doubt another treat she won't forget in a hurry!
Matt W - Friday, January 18, 2008


Up the OXO Tower, eh? Well, there's a bit o' livin' on the edge for one's birthday. I was in London a few months ago and went up the OXO with some colleagues. We had a grand time, but I surely didn't tell me bird about it. I'm saving that special trip for our next visit. She just loves coming to new heights and experiences and, eating...well she's always over the top for that! I dare say she'll be writing in just like Rachel once we've done the ol' OXO Tower inner circle ride to the top. Cheers, Mates...take it from me...you'll never beat a trip up the OXO.
Sky - Friday, January 18, 2008

Well, I was over in this delightful 'lil country of yours a week or so ago and I thought, hey what the heck I'd call up my good buddy Stu C and take him up the OXO tower to celebrate his coming of age - shoot, he was so excited he squealed like a stuck pig! It was such a lovely atmosphere and the accompanying sound of banjo playing from a local duet, Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs, just reminded us of our deep dark forests back home. Whoowee what memories, I'll be back up the OXO Tower again before the authorities know I'm gone.
Bubba, USA - Friday, January 18, 2008

I can thoroughly recommend a visit up the oxo tower. However the cream pie afters are not to the taste of some pallets. I myself enjoyed the full experience with a very special friend.

The last time I went up the oxo tower with my special lady was after a heavy curry (vindaloo) during lunchtime. I felt this spoilt the experience somewhat and would recommend abstaining from such foods prior to a visit.
- Friday, January 18, 2008

I myself have taken many people up the OXO Tower and for once it was a real pleasure for the service to be returned. My friend took a while to relax but he soon got into the swing of things and he even let me try is gravy.
triptech - Saturday, January 19, 2008

We had a fudge packers works outing there last christmas and they all said the Chocolate Starfish was divine
Badmaan - Saturday, January 19, 2008

My wife and I had been keen to try Greek for some time, and when friends informed us that the OXO was the best Greek experience, we simply had to try it...We weren't disappointed. For a while after our Greek up the OXO there was an air of silence between my wife and I, as we both came to terms with the new flavours we'd just savoured. But once we'd fully absorbed the delights, we accepted that Greek up the OXO is where the quality is.
The OXO is also very popular with Elton and David, I do believe
Drew5292 - Saturday, January 19, 2008

[Martz]

My only criticism of the Oxo Tower is that, being a larger gentleman myself, I find it a bit of a tight squeeze when you're up there, uncomfortably so in fact. However, my wife disagrees with me. She says that the Oxo's intimacy is all part of its charm.
Jim Browning - Saturday, January 19, 2008

The last time I was dining at the Oxo Tower restaurant some unruly yobs started a food fight; it was most annoying. The civilised patrons tried to ignore it and the scene put me in mind of that Carry On film where the great and the good are trying to continue with their meal whilst a battle rages around them. What was that film called? Oh yes, I remember, it was 'Carry On up the Khyber'.
Spotted Dick - Saturday, January 19, 2008

I would love to take my girlfriend up the Oxo Tower much more often than I do. But I find access is a problem. It's really hard to get in there sometimes. Once I nearly got stuck halfway up! But once you're up there, I have to agree it is a fantastic experience. And the view is amazing! To make the whole evening even more memorable we would recommend doing a little swap. The last time my girlfriend needed no encouragement to take a mouthful of my pork, and I had a lovely little nibble on her fish pie.
BackdoorPete - Sunday, January 20, 2008

Been in and out of the Oxo Towers a few times over the years but when I try to take my present partner there I can never fit through the door
- Sunday, January 20, 2008

I struck up a conversation with a highly strung rough looking waiter called Hans at the Tower. Turned out he's a keen amateur boxer like a mate of mine - the mighty JMonkey. I set up a friendly after hours bout for them both at a local Gym one night. Turns out the waiter wasn't quite the pugilist he claimed to be as my mate ended up giving him the fisting of his life in the ring! I reckon the experience loosened him up a bit though so next time your at the OXO and served by Hans, you'll have no problem slipping him a large tip!
Sweetcorn Niblets - Sunday, January 20, 2008

Thank you so much for that review, Rachel. My girlfriend desperately wants me to take her up the Oxo Tower ; I've had a close look at it and even sniffed around it once or twice, but I've never had the courage to take the plunge. Now I know how much young ladies enjoy the experience, I won't hesitate to give my girlfriend the pleasure. Just one question; now you've been taken up there, won't you always want 'the Oxo Tower experience' rather than exploring more conventional venues?
Sweetsong - Sunday, January 20, 2008

Taking a girl up the Oxo Tower always reminds me of those little brown gravy granules - "Ah Bistro .... !"
Ena Mungstet - Sunday, January 20, 2008

My wife & I were visiting London last week & whilst there we decided to visit an adjacent establishment. Unfortunately (or not) due to rather a few too many earlier cocktails we lost the way & I accidentily slipped into the Oxo Tower . Well, my wife squealed with delight at this error & insisted that we stay for some time. I must admit, although a bit of a squeeze, the experience was indeed pleasurable, (in fact it did remind me of my days at public school!).
Trouser snake - Sunday, January 20, 2008

My wife & I were visiting London last week & whilst there we decided to visit an adjacent establishment. Unfortunately (or not) due to rather a few too many earlier cocktails we lost the way & I accidentily slipped into the Oxo Tower . Well, my wife squealed with delight at this error & insisted that we stay for some time. I must admit, although a bit of a squeeze, the experience was indeed pleasurable, (in fact it did remind me of my days at public school!).
Trouser snake - Sunday, January 20, 2008

Like you my wife was also slightly hesitant about being taken up the Oxo Tower . However, I'm please to report she had a wonderful time! She enjoyed it so much we engaged in anal sex for the first time later that same day.
JSmith - Sunday, January 20, 2008

My partner has been begging me to take her up the OXO tower for ages because she wants to feel stuffed on a big portion but frankly I'm dubious about it so i've been putting it off. Well, yesterday evening I had to give in and agree to it. Well, it was a disaster! I was just entering and i found that the passage was blocked with stools. I just couldn't push past them no matter how hard I was. So I gave up, vowing never to go there again, and to continue eating at my favourite downstairs restaurant. Strangely, whilst attempting to enter, all I could hear was 'I'm a back door man' by the Doors!!!!
Butt! well done to all that made it up there.
Wendle - Sunday, January 20, 2008

Ahhh the Oxo - only problem is with parking which can be quite tight. I normally manoeuvre whilst the wife guides me into the back passage.
Alan - Sunday, January 20, 2008


Treated My girlfriend to an evening up the OXO Tower just last night. We had been booked into a neighbouring restaurant only to discover it has under going a refurbishment. They had had the painters in and the décor was a ghastly shade of red that we didn't fancy dining in. The OXO tower was very accommodating but they did have to dispose of our table cloth after we finished as we enjoyed ourselves so much we left a bit of mess.
JJMalone - Monday, January 21, 2008

I found the whole experience thrilling. Access was a doddle, also...straight in via the Bovril Tunnel.
- Monday, January 21, 2008

I could find it anywhere , could someone leave some directions? Are there any recognisable landmarks in the vicinity
fluke - Monday, January 21, 2008

Do they have an Oxo tower in Trondheim ?
Hand of Drog - Monday, January 21, 2008

I regularly take my wife AND her Mother up the Oxo Tower . They both love the experience and it always leave them wanting more. Edna (my wifes Mother) was a bit wary at first, but after hearing how much Beryl (my wife) loved it, she let me take her there. She squealed with delight when I took her as high as was possible and Beryl laughed at her Mothers contorted expression on her face. My Father In Law (Harold) has hinted that he'd like me to surprise him one day and take him up the Oxo Tower when he's least expecting it, but i'm not so sure he'd enjoy it as much as the women. He likes a bit of variation, but he's probably best staying with what he's used to and eating much lower down.
Chopper - Monday, January 21, 2008

When visiting, be careful where you leave your valuables, the backdoor's been kicked in on numerous occasions.
Welsh Amphibian - Monday, January 21, 2008

I am always eager to go up The Oxo Tower whenever the opportunity presents itself. The prices are reasonable although you may have to leave a deposit and a generous tip. It's always accommodating. warm and snug. Although it can be a little tight on space. The last time I was up there I was forced to leave my bags outside. I thank you.
FLASH - Monday, January 21, 2008


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[MrBounce]

Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.

"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"