Author Topic: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!  (Read 141355 times)

Offline MrBounce

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #370 on: 08 June 2009, 08:56 »
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had
been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long
time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there
he was,walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to
leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an
interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?
 
"Morris Fishbienstein," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians , Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults,
and to love their fellow man."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a f**king wall."


Keeping schtum. Mostly.

Offline MrBounce

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #371 on: 08 June 2009, 16:11 »
So, Michael Jackson has skin cancer.

Altogether now....

"Don't blame it on the sunshine..."


Keeping schtum. Mostly.

Offline Martz

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #372 on: 09 June 2009, 20:21 »

Offline JC

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #373 on: 12 June 2009, 17:59 »
Fairy liquid are sending a million bottles of detergent to rio De Janeiro








 :shocked:








 :huh:







 :undecided:






Apparently theres a load of french washing up on the beach!

Offline G864 TST

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #374 on: 19 June 2009, 12:56 »
Took the family to the zoo yesterday.

Only had one animal there – a dog!

 

 

 

…………………………………….it was a sh!tzu!

Offline Martz

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #375 on: 19 June 2009, 12:57 »
How do you get a fat bird into bed?













Piece of cake! :D

Offline barrie8959

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #376 on: 21 June 2009, 12:23 »
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

''Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?'' she asked.
''They're mating,'' her father replied.
''What do you call the spider on top?'' she asked.
''That's a Daddy Longlegs,'' her father answered.
''So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?'' the little girl asked.

His heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question. He replied, ''No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.''

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted
her foot and stomped them flat..





''Well," she said, "we're not having any of that gay sh!t in our garden."




Offline bertmort8

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #377 on: 22 June 2009, 08:56 »
big aussie walking down the road with a sheep under each arm
meets a mate who says ' G'day mate, ya sheering'

'Nah' says the aussie, 'im gunna fook them both me self'

just had that joke thru on my phone
wants a gt tdi

Offline bertmort8

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #378 on: 26 June 2009, 11:37 »
so michael jackson is dead, reports say that he had a heart attack at hospital, but apparently he was actually caught in the childrens ward having a stroke
wants a gt tdi

Offline Stronz

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Re: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!
« Reply #379 on: 30 June 2009, 09:50 »
Whats the difference between Alex Ferguson and Michael Jackson?
















Ferguson will  be playing Giggs in August.