Author Topic: Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!  (Read 141820 times)

Offline johnsgti

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Winnie the pooh and piglet:
As the two friends wandered through the snow on their wayhome, piglet grinned to himself thinking how lucky he was to have a best friend like Pooh. Pooh thought to him self if this pig sneezes he's f**kin dead!  :smiley:

Offline johnsgti

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1 more.  grin

Blonde wife runs out of petrol and phones her husband...  "I'm scared to fill up cos of this swine flue." He says "You daft twit it's Mexico not f**king Texaco"    undecided
« Last Edit: 02 May 2009, 18:40 by johnsgti »

Offline RandomJord

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black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder, barman says 'blimey mate, where did you get that from?' 'Africa mate, loads of them there' says the parrot  :evil:
Skoda Octavia VRS DSG (soon!)
Skoda Rapid Spaceback

An a Signum for towing me old caravan!

Offline T1 11JKE

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Got a spare minute? check out this link ! !

typical BMW driver is left pretty embarrassed! Lmao

http://www.break.com/index/volkswagen-blows-away-bmw-z4.html

Offline MrBounce

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What do Ricky Hatton and Gary Glitter have in common?...

They both went down after trying to take a little Phillipino in the Ring.  :evil:


Keeping schtum. Mostly.

Offline MrBounce

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A Liverpudlian walks into a bank in Hope Street and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to Australia on business
for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank
will need some form of security for the loan,
so the Scouser lad hands over the keys
and documents of new Ferrari parked
on the street in front of the bank.
He produces the Log Book and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept
the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's Manager and its officers
all enjoy a good laugh at the rough looking Scouser
for using a £120,000 Ferrari
as collateral against a £5000 loan.
An employee of the bank then
drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Scally returns,
repays the £5,000 and the interest,
which comes to £15.41.
The loan officer says,
"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away,
we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire.
What we want to know is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"

The Scouser replies:
"Where else in Liverpool can I park my car
for two weeks for only £15.41
and expect it to be there when I return?!"


Keeping schtum. Mostly.

Offline MrBounce

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Why did the baker have smelly fingers???
























Because he kneaded a poo!  :evil:


Keeping schtum. Mostly.

Offline MrBounce

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Have you heard that Ricky Hatton's missus has left him?

She found him lying on his back in a Las Vegas hotel with a half naked Philipino standing over him...


Keeping schtum. Mostly.

Offline Rick#55

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What is the odd one out?

A, toaster
B, woman
c, dishwasher
d, washing machine
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Toaster, its the only one that dosn't drip when its f#cked
Wise man once say:<br /><br /> \"man who fart in bath, makes bubbles\"

Offline johnsgti

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The mp expenses scandal escalated today when it was discovered that David Blankett had claimed for a motorbike, a handglider and a pair of binoculars!!  :grin: