Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[Anil]

teacher asks class to name things that end with "tor" that eat things.
1st little boy says "alligator" "very good thats a big word" says teacher... 2nd boy says "predator", "yes thats another big word"
3rd boy says "vibrator miss..." after nearly falling off her chair the teacher says "thats a big word but it doesnt eat anything" to which the boy replies "well my older sister has one and she says it eats batteries like fu<k!"

[Anil]

Mr singh, a postman is retiring on his last round, he gets a bottle of whiskey from the first house, cigars rom the next, the third house, mrs smith is waiting in her nightdress! she drags him upstairs and makes mad passionate love to him then brings him downstairs for a huge fry up. mr singh see a fiver under his cup ad asks "whats this?". Mrs smith explains "me and my husband were talking about what to get you for your retirement, he said FU<K him! give him a FIVER... breakfast was my idea!!"

[Anil]

A half jewish half black kid asks his mum "Am i mostly jewish or mostly black mum?"
"your just my son" replies his mum, "but why such a question?"
"Well my mate is selling his bike for £50 and i dont know wether to haggle wih him or just stab the c*nt and take it."

[Mk1Mad J - 16v]

You may be a Taliban if...

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean'.

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You've ever uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave'.

10. You have nothing against women, and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not

12. You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

[whiter_than_white]

fabio capello has just phoned wayne bridge and told him not to worry about whats gone on and that john terry has lost his captains armband, he then asked if wayne could have a quick look under his bed for it 

[shorty0100397]

Whats black, white and red all over.












A nun rolling down a hill with a knife in her back. 

[Ridg]

The car in front ....


... will probably crash.

[MrBounce]

How do you tell if your girlfriend is a right skank?

You ask her for a blow job and she says

"Not now I'm too tired. Have a w@nk into a cup and I'll drink it in the morning"

[Komenda]

Terry : 'What a sh!te couple of years. Mum's a thief. Dad's a druggy. Been pulled up in the tabloids several times for my arrogant behavior and now just missed the decisive penalty in a Champions League final'


Bridge : ' Humph, Count yourself lucky mate.....I've just found out my missus has Aids'

 

[kdiz]

Ashley Cole got done for doing 130mph. When the police asked why he was going so fast he replied, I heard John Terry's car is parked outside my house.