Jokes section - **May Offend** try not to spam too much!!

[Anil]

Whats the difference between a thingy and a bonus?










The wife always blows your bonus

[fitkin]

in the uk y ius pedophidllia such a big problem?


sexy kids









sorry.........

[MrBounce]

A husband has just finished reading a book " Man of the House". He storms into the kitchen, points a finger at his wife and says:

"From now on I want you to know I am the Man of the House! My word is the law!

You WILL prepare me a gourment meal tonight and EVERY night!

Then you WILL run me a bath at the correct temperature!

Then you WILL lie on the bed and get what's coming to you!

Then in the morning guess WHO's gonna dress me??!!"










"The f**king undertaker" replies his wife.

[Uruk Hai]

Man walks into a bar and asks for a alcohol free beer

bar man replys "drinking alcohol free beer is like going down on your sister"

"How so" says the man

"Well it tastes the same but its just not right !"

[Benrevs]

Woman is upstairs having a bath when the doorbell goes...  "can you get that" she shouts to her husband, "who is it?" she said.  "its a blind man" he calls back.  "send him up" she yells down.   The man walks into the bathroom, and says  "nice tits love... where do you want the blinds"!!

[hobbiniho]

The Heaviest Element known to Science.



Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet
known to science.


The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an
atomic mass of 312.


These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.


Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less
than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.


Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.


In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.


This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.


When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an
element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.

[hobbiniho]

A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street café watching people entering and leaving the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people entering the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people leaving the house. The physicist says, "The measurement wasn't accurate." The biologist says, "They must have reproduced." The mathematician says, "If one more person enters the house then it will be empty."

[ben1.8T]

THE WEDDING NIGHT
 
Fred and Mary get married but couldn't  afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.   
   
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.   
As he is  going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are  up yet.   
   
She replies, 'No'.   
=0 A
   
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'   
   
His  mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!   
Just go to school.'
 
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?' 
 
She replies, 'No.'
 
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'   
His mom replies, 'Never mind what  you think! 
Eat your lunch and go back  to school .'
 
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?' 
 
His mom says, 'No.'   
   
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'   
   
His mom replies,   'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
 
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think... 
 
I gave him my airplane glue.'   

[Josho]

HIGHLIGHT FOR ANSWERS!

What do you call a shop full of nuns?
A Virgin Mega Store! 

What is long, hard and full of semen?
A SUBMARINE! 

Yeah. 

[Bjork]

Thought I'd share these awful jokes that were in a joke book I had when I was a kid......they've stuck with me!!!


What's big and yellow?...............................The Empire State Banana!

What's purple and scary?............................Franken-Grape!

What's hot and goes "hoot-hoot"?.................Kentuck Fried Owl!




Good eh???