hmm.. well i just realised twos things.. 1 of these you can help with len

is your #36 relay just a regular black cube? the ones i see in pictures (from mk2s though) are numbered 188, are much taller and have a grill like you'd expect something that has noise coming out of it to have..
second thing.. the only other 'lectrical thing thats never worked on my car is the cigarette lighter socket.. i just found a "how to fix" thing on vwvortex... basically theres an extra fuse hidden up out of the way in the fuse box away from where all the other fuses are.. so i'm gonna check that one out too
wonder if theres a way to hook the relay up to a bench power supply to make it buzz
oh and VW part number is.. 3A0 951 307