So me mum's had cancer for the last 5 or 6 years, breast cancer had the treatment and then for the last few years been proper healthy really. Had to have 5 plates in her back though.
But other than that been great.
She had a couple hiccups with medication last year but nothing major, major finance issues though as always as I have a seriously disorganised father.
Took em along with a group to Venice in November.
I've been going out with an amazing girl for the last 3 (well four now near enough) and proposed to her in Venice and to my surprise she said yes.
All through this all the washing, work, finances, dinners, shopping etc all been done by mum, absolutely amazingly strong woman. Dads been self employed and awful at business for years and years, mums always had a good part time job though with the NHS. She always managed to scrape, squeeze and go without for her 6 kids, four weddings, not a prob, there and sorting em all.
Center Parcs pretty much once a year and after sale of two houses 2 weeks in a Villa in Portugal.
So then about 5 weeks ago I have an MOT and service booked in on a Jimny so leave mums car at the customers house. The car then fails it's MOT and I'm busy so as the customer doesn't need the car urgent and was going away I choose to hang onto it for a couple weeks so go with mum to pick her car up and off she goes to work.
Move on 3 weeks and ask if she could give us a lift back from customers house. She says she doesn't feel like she can drive. Dunno why but that had me worried.
Still went to work a couple of times and then had a couple weeks off and started feeling ill. Scan last Tuesday revealed spots on liver and trapped fluid.
Feeling iller and getting a bit depressed on Saturday dad tries to make her go to hospital. She doesn't want the fuss. Getting a bit more fed up she locks the bathroom door (stupid house which is a project has their bedroom the other side of the bathroom so you have to go thru the bathroom to get to their room) and goes into her room. By this point my sister is panicking and about 15 mins later there is no reply....
So my bro boots the door in and they get her in the car straight down to a hospital a fair drive away but where she has been treated.
They diagnose dehydration and basically said she really needs to eat more so put her on a drip but won't drain the fluid as she has an appointment Wednesday with the doctor???
Comes home, in bed for the next two days and eventually says I'm really ill. Ambulances called and a 175 heat rate etc. they take her in.
Hospital Monday eve. Heart beat down to 160 but still high.
Get a call Tuesday while I was with a mate in a fairly new 4.4 Range from dad "get to hospital". So racing through traffic said mate cuts up and misses by about half an inch a black Vivaro on a roundabout. Have a look to say sorry and it's a funeral signwritted van.
From that point just knew.
Get there she's really bad, bearly breath. Lung has blood clots, urine infection, stomach ulcers, excess fluid in lungs, stomache, liver and kidneys.
They say 99% a clot in lungs but looks like a tumor too, too ill to scan. Fortunately my two brothers working in Catford manage to get to Maidstone in about 35-40 mins through the traffic then probably top speed up the M20 I imagine. Move her into another room, all have said goodbye basically at this point with her struggling to talk.
Sit there for about hour and a half and they go to get Morphine, not for pain relief but to relax her, apparently there was no pain just a bit of discomfort. At that point I see her heart rate drop from about 140ish to 80 in about 115 seconds.
I say this to my sisters, one who is a pharmacy technician like my mother and both stupidly medically knowledgable so both fully understand the ins and outs of what's going on, unlike us.
One says well she's relaxed now and they've given morphine.
Drops to about 45 over the next 3 or 4 mins.
Hang on they haven't given her morphine yet!
Fiance goes to raise the alarm as it drops to about 33.
Doctor comes in, "guys time to say goodbye".
Sisters and younger brothers in floods of tears.
5 seconds later just a sigh from mum almost and that's that.
You never get to appreciate how much a mother does for you until they are gone.
I haven't even cried yet. No idea why it's such an odd feeling. Doesn't feel like anything wrong at the moment it's just the "can't wait to talk to mum about.... oh".
Does it get worse over the next few weeks?
Such an odd feeling.
Doesn't help there's now £1500 a month to find but that's where the attention has been at the moment with me, maybe just keeping my mind off things but I just feel odd...... So surreal. I guess the house deposit fund of mine is about to get battered.
But then she didn't have to go through 18 weeks of the rough chemo and she went so quickly and peacefully.
Sorry for the odd and long post just needed to get it off me chest.
RIP mum, the woman that never wanted a fuss, the woman that never put herself before others when she was far more important considering. The woman that had little but gave a lot. The woman that so wanted a tablet for so long that once we got her one didn't even have the chance to really get it going properly. The woman that I had so many jobs and list of things to do for that I never gave enough time to do and now don't have the chance. The woman that always wanted grandkids but would never even hint to her married children as to make them feel guilty. The woman that wouldn't say anything to her kids (all bar me) about the spots they found on her liver as one was just married, one was struggling with buying a house and one who was just getting married. The woman that won't get to see me finally marry the woman that she wisely said was the best choice but never pressured over.
RIP one of my best friends.
