I actually did laugh out loud!
Aye keV, I'm on the same planet as you. Training can take many forms, vocal, visual, written...oh wait, that's what you've been given!
I guess that's why so many people buy Haines workshop manuals, gotta get their hands dirty sometime.
Honestly, if you don't want to DIY, then pay someone.
Simples.
Anyway, be as sarky as you want, I'm bored now so won't even wasting my time checking in on this thread again.