have a look at the fusebox faq, you'll want the section for the pre-90 MK2 golf. that should help you sort out whats what! the trigger wire for the relay is the red/black wire to the coil, all the other wiring is internal to the fusebox
I did see your post, not nice
once you get stuck in you'll be ok, gotta remember there may be random wires off to microwave sensors up on the top of the pillars, there will be wires to the door/boot light switches, wires to the siren and bonnet pop button etc. might seem impossible but as you say, work carefully and you'll get there!