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General => General discussion => Topic started by: Bellend on 02 August 2011, 17:12
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Over the weekend me and two mates (brothers) went out for a few drinks and a kebab. The driver then decides he doesn't want to drive home so tells his dad we'd stay at a mates. So we do.
But he wasn't there.
Phone him, he's in London for the night meeting his mum there for the night.
So I go to my mate "what now?".
"I dunno I can't drive now" (Only had a 1/3rd of a pint but insurance won't tolerate ANY alcohol).
"Let's just break in" - me joking.
Ah well screw it lets just think about it later. So we have a few then walk back to this guys house where the cars parked. Stupid idiot decides a piece of plasterboard will secure the house from the basement with a bin propt up against it. "We could just sleep here" "let's do it" thinking that one of us three will bottle it. We don't.
So open up the basement exterior entry and jump down, get in and have a sleep while laughing. Wake up next morning "wtf we do that for?" :grin:
Place is a total wreck (not due to us) and I decided that the boiler leaking into a bucket which is now overflowing and dripping onto a plug board which is live and sizzling isn't a great idea.
So really, we saved a housefire. Go us. :grin:
What bout you lot?
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"I dunno I can't drive now" (Only had a 1/3rd of a pint but insurance won't tolerate ANY alcohol).
Urmmm your mate needs a slap! 1/3rd of a pint is a couple of gulps..
Anyway, about 10 of us started a night out in Maidenhead and then jumped in a couple of taxi's to go to Vanilla in Windsor, we were all quite pissed when we got there and dying for a slash, before entering my mate noticed a small balcony next to Vanilla, just literally above and round the corner. My drunken mate decided to piss off the balcony and manged to piss all over the bouncers head, i somehow managed to get blamed for it and wasnt allowed in funnily enough, i am suprised we didnt get beaten up!!
Half of us had to find somewhere else to go drinking having already spent £10 on tickets and the other half of the group were allowed in. Bollocks!
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Urmmm your mate needs a slap! 1/3rd of a pint is a couple of gulps..
1/3rd of a pint is a couple of sips. a gulp is half a pint. 2 gulps is a pint #FACT
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"I dunno I can't drive now" (Only had a 1/3rd of a pint but insurance won't tolerate ANY alcohol).
Urmmm your mate needs a slap! 1/3rd of a pint is a couple of gulps..
Anyway, about 10 of us started a night out in Maidenhead and then jumped in a couple of taxi's to go to Vanilla in Windsor, we were all quite pissed when we got there and dying for a slash, before entering my mate noticed a small balcony next to Vanilla, just literally above and round the corner. My drunken mate decided to piss off the balcony and manged to piss all over the bouncers head, i somehow managed to get blamed for it and wasnt allowed in funnily enough, i am suprised we didnt get beaten up!!
Half of us had to find somewhere else to go drinking having already spent £10 on tickets and the other half of the group were allowed in. nuts!
Insurance won't tolerate it if he has half a mouthful, not over the limit but he's not allowed any at all.
:grin: How did you get the blame for that one?
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I'm not sure how i got the blame, i was going for a piss as well but was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, think my mate hid round the corner.
I doubt a 1/3 of a pint would even show up if he were to be breathalised, fair enough to him tho, its not worth messing about with drink driving.
My friend i refer to above crashed his car on Saturday night from drink driving and almost killed himself as he had to be cut out of his car :cry: it's his birthday today, dont think he's really in the mood for celebrating....
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I'm not sure how i got the blame, i was going for a piss as well but was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, think my mate hid round the corner.
I doubt a 1/3 of a pint would even show up if he were to be breathalised, fair enough to him tho, its not worth messing about with drink driving.
My friend i refer to above crashed his car on Saturday night from drink driving and almost killed himself as he had to be cut out of his car :cry: it's his birthday today, dont think he's really in the mood for celebrating....
:grin: Fair enough.
Ah sorry to hear that mate, stupid drink driving.
My insurance is the same, in my head it's simple, drink OR drive. No "I'll just have one" or whatever, what's the point? I like leaving the car at home so I have to get the train back home the next day rather then driving it in the morning.
Just not worth the risk.
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I'd imagine your friend would look rather foolish if he and you, had been arrested and charged with breaking and entering/criminal damage. All for the sake of a mouthful of alcohol. Which btw I would guess the insurance company would have never found out about for several bleedin' obvious reasons.
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I'd imagine your friend would look rather foolish if he and you, had been arrested and charged with breaking and entering/criminal damage. All for the sake of a mouthful of alcohol. Which btw I would guess the insurance company would have never found out about for several bleedin' obvious reasons.
:laugh: :laugh:
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I'd imagine your friend would look rather foolish if he and you, had been arrested and charged with breaking and entering/criminal damage. All for the sake of a mouthful of alcohol. Which btw I would guess the insurance company would have never found out about for several bleedin' obvious reasons.
Probably. He said we could stay there aslong as his mum never found out. :grin: but we didnt have a key (my mate has a key but was at home).
As for your suggestion, what happens if we had a smack? You fool.
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In my head it's simple, drink OR drive. No "I'll just have one" or whatever, what's the point? I like leaving the car at home so I have to get the train back home the next day rather then driving it in the morning.
Just not worth the risk.
Possibly the most sensible thing you have ever posted.
+1!
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....bought a one way ticket to Tenerife and went and lived there for a year :grin: :huh:
Beat that!
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http://gbbf.camra.org.uk/home
Going Thursday with my Fezz, lots of stupid antics to be sure
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shagged the lads mum whose house we crashed at :shocked:
and she was a good 10 pinter :sick:
:grin:
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shagged the lads mum whose house we crashed at :shocked:
and she was a good 10 pinter :sick:
:grin:
:laugh: :laugh: Flipping legendary!
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snogged a ginger in a kebab shop.
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Lots of things I'm not proud of, but when you're 18, pissed as a fart and out with your mates :grin: :lipsrsealed:
Stupidest thing I can think of was turning down 2 girls at a club on new years eve back in the day when I was single to try find my mate who wanted a beer, found him with a fit bird and her fat flat mate who tried it on with me :sick: Never went back to Rochester after that!
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:grin:
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My mate was at uni at Anglia Ruskin in Cambridge.
We went there for his birthday, about 8 of us, and when we're in a group like that we're stupidly leary, more so than usual.
We got really drunk, OK night in a few bars and clubs, back to his halls and about 6 of us trying to sleep in his room, which was about 7ft by 7ft.
Pitch black I can't sleep and decide I want a burger, I stand up carefully then slip on my sleeping bag, treading on my mates and tripping, knocking his computer off the desk.
everyone wakes and we go get a burger.
On the way back we walk past some of the halls for the proper Cambridge uni, the gate's open so we decide to go in!
We then spend about half an hour walking round the halls looking for a party, Daves party :lipsrsealed: (none of them posh kids lock their dorm doors, btw)
We never found a party but we did walk in on a lad knocking one out and a couple going at it.
My mate also got some proper posh cheese from a fridge in one of the kitchens.
Got loads of stories, I often find the walk home to be the best part of the night.
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got a blowy off my mates sister after a night out with my mate :grin:
best one tho...
went out in london with two mates, they got kicked out, but i stayed in absolutely trollied.
ended up in a taxi full of irish people, went back to their house (all liived together uni students)
shagged some girl, woke up to my phone ringing, i was naked she was naked and still passed out.
got out of bed headplanted the floor and got my phone out my pocket.... it was my mates wanting to go home (wiltshire)
i managed to get dressed and left the house, found a street sign, rang my mates they googled it and i was 5 miles from my mates house :huh:
they then directed me over the phone.
It was a VERY long walk
and what if i didn't have battery :shocked:
Sorry mate, but if that's the best you can come up with, then you've led a very boring life. Waking up at someone elses house a few miles away aint' much :laugh:
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Got rather merry in the local. started walking to town (about 3/4 pm) two lasses about 17 ask if we can buy them drink. go in the shop and get them about 6 bottles of wkd. We get outaide they say they dont want them so we can keep them (the lasses already gave us money for them) so we nek them in. get to town. consume about 6or7 more pints. then meet a few more mates. we all have a few drinks and watch the boxing. by this time i musy be on my tenth + pint. plus 3 or 5 letres of wkd. the lads we met up with later start to feel abit sick from drinking so when were walking to the next pub one puts his fingers down his throat. someone dares me to swirl my finger around and lick it nd they will buy me halfa glass of vodka. i needed that half a pint of vodka to get the taste out of my mouth :grin: :sick:
then got so drunk i could hardly stand up. snook a pint out of the club with me. woke up half a hour later down a aley unable to stand i was so drunk. there was a few other things that contributed to me being that state. Of which i shall not go into but youse can proberbly guess.
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turned down a free blowjob :undecided: she was ugly as feck though and the size of an horse!
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turned down a free blowjob :undecided: she was ugly as feck though and the size of an horse!
.
Just means she will my hungrier for dick.
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had a stop on the ship in falmouth, nice quiet little town, me and my friend went down to the beach to stalk birds and drink beer at 2ish with intentions of heading back and going out later, forward to 7 at night and were still out with everyone else really drunk by now but drinking desperadoes with a double black sambuca chaser. skipped scran as it bad practice to have solids in a hydraulic system :grin:
left the club at bout half 3 ish, when we got back in the dockyard there was 4 of us walking to the ship and seen this pick up parked up with the windows down and the keys in the ignition!!! drunk mates + pick up with keys = fun of course. so we all jumped in and my mate was driving as i couldnt drive and two lads in the tray next to the oxygen and acetylene bottles !!!! went round a corner and smashed into a old boat that was been used a skip f**ked the truck steam everywhere.
jumped out and ran to the ship as if nothing had happened and got into bed bout half 4. woken up by gangway staff at 5 with the words the police are here and want to talk to you! thought he was taking the piss so stayed in bed but to be woken up 2 mins later by the onboard old bill (regulators) me and my mates up on the gangway at 5 the 2 that were in the back get let off and me and my mate got arrested for aggravated vehicle taking! got breathalyzed at the cop shop i was expecting to blow well over the limit but i blew 23 and 25 the copper was amazed as i had to stop the car twice on the way there to throw up and could hardly speak.
that was a fun night lads were well impressed when we got back to the ship
me and my mate got a police caution at court and the ship didnt do anything.
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Swim 1/2 mile out to a rock off the coast of Pembrokeshire after about ten of us had consumed far too much whisky, amazing no deaths that night.
Made up an excuse that I had to go to work on a Saturday after waking up with a 400 pinter, getting dressed into shirt and tie, walking her down the road, parting company, go straight to the bacon buttie shop AND back to bed!
Mates younger sister when she was visiting him at uni, in his bed, whilst he went to get vodka 3 doors down the road. That was quick! Though wasn't drunk, does it still count?!?
Run down a runway naked.
Slept on top of King Hussain's Surf Club in Morocco. They weren't as cool as every other surf club we've been too. That involved Alsatians and an angry man in the morning. Oh and drinking in a public square in another Arabic country on a bank holiday when alcohol is VERY much prohibited.
Coxed Naked 8 late one night. Nakedness and rowing seem to go together.
I can think of more .....but they're my favourite!
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Stole a 15ft tree in a huge pot, took 7 of us to carry it, left it outside the police station far to heavy!
Broke in to the Sports sheds behind the county ground in swindon, playing javlin, pole volting etc all out of our face on shrooms, no one died!
Put a mini on the roof of the place I used to work with the Fork lift, the manager was so happy to see it up there! I got sacked.
Nailed some bird sleeping on the bottom bunk bed pissed up, when back to my room, came back and hoped in the top bunk with the other......
Got arrested for indect exposure at a carnival, got arrest at the same carnival a year later for dancing on the floats... and the year after that for Drunk and disordaly.....
Got stuck in the mud at weston super mare and had to be rescued...
Got stiched up by a mate so drove it around swindon in the early hours through every sppeed camera.......27 points! win.
Could go on forever
Just the normal.....
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Stole a 15ft tree in a huge pot, took 7 of us to carry it, left it outside the police station far to heavy!
Broke in to the Sports sheds behind the county ground in swindon, playing javlin, pole volting etc all out of our face on shrooms, no one died!
Put a mini on the roof of the place I used to work with the Fork lift, the manager was so happy to see it up there! I got sacked.
Nailed some bird sleeping on the bottom bunk bed pissed up, when back to my room, came back and hoped in the top bunk with the other......
Got arrested for indect exposure at a carnival, got arrest at the same carnival a year later for dancing on the floats... and the year after that for Drunk and disordaly.....
Got stuck in the mud at weston super mare and had to be rescued...
Got stiched up by a mate so drove it around swindon in the early hours through every sppeed camera.......27 points! win.
Could go on forever
Just the normal.....
WINNER! :grin:
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I had a drinking competition with my mate as vodka was half price. I subsequently lost and was found by my sister and missus outside on the pavement in a lake of my own sick.
The father in law turned up to pick us all up as arranged and had to line his car with tarpaulin and drag me in the back. My sister stayed in my room with me to make sure I didn't swallow my own tongue
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My god I could go on for hours. Most stupid was last year in magaluf. We had a powder fire extinguisher fight in the apartment block (powder fire extinguisher) we opened loads of random people's apartments and covered them. It filled the landing for 3 floors below ours. That stuff is toxic!!!!
We got back at 8am, stripped mates bed, mattress, bedding, etc and threw it in the pool. It was only the first night.
The next night I was waxed in a salon whilst wearing a wig and mankini.
I'm never having another stag do :grin:
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got a blowy off my mates sister after a night out with my mate :grin:
best one tho...
went out in london with two mates, they got kicked out, but i stayed in absolutely trollied.
ended up in a taxi full of irish people, went back to their house (all liived together uni students)
shagged some girl, woke up to my phone ringing, i was naked she was naked and still passed out.
got out of bed headplanted the floor and got my phone out my pocket.... it was my mates wanting to go home (wiltshire)
i managed to get dressed and left the house, found a street sign, rang my mates they googled it and i was 5 miles from my mates house :huh:
they then directed me over the phone.
It was a VERY long walk
and what if i didn't have battery :shocked:
Sorry mate, but if that's the best you can come up with, then you've led a very boring life. Waking up at someone elses house a few miles away aint' much :laugh:
Do enlighten us to your misadventures...... :rolleyes:
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many years ago... got absolutely paralytic in a club in spain.. passed out in the bogs in my own vomit
mate woke me up... said 'we're going home', saw another mate on the way out with a bird, walked up to him and I blew the definite shag he was up for when she asked 'is he with you?' pointing at me and then walking off in disgust.. he wasn't happy :grin:
threw up in the gutter, a lot
threw up over a taxi while my mates were insisting that I was sober enough for a taxi home, got refused a lift home
woke up on a large rock down by the beach when the sun came up over the mountains... took a sh!t behind a rock... felt a bit rough so wondered into town for some munch.. nowhere was open so a bench looked preferable to a hot rock on the beach and camped down on that
slept on that like a baby until about 10am when a policeman woke me up and loads of people were milling about, i didn't smell very nice
had a wash using the public drinking fountain in the town centre
went for a beer :smiley:
nothing spectacular and pretty standard for a night out
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my mates stag in barcelona, theres a club down near the waters edge, at about 6am when we left i thought it would be a good idea to jump in the harbour, only after i jumped did i realise it was filled with dead fish and smelt like a swamp, and i cut my leg on the wood getting out, then realised it was about 12 ft to the pavement and i couldnt reach, so had to jump back in the stinking water and swim to the beach, not nice but my mates were creased, swimming through dead fish and my own vomit.
weirdly enough it was the only walk up the road where the prostitutes DIDNT harrass me, lol
theres still one night where me and my mate woke up in a house in gateshead, about 10 mile from where we were drinking, neither of us know how we got there even to this day!
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Went to a wedding party in a polish club. I was only 18 and took a hot date with me. Was a little shakey so had a few pints to help me calm down. Thinking i was the doggs bollocks as im quater polish i thought it was a good idea when on home turf to get trollied and show the lads and this hot date how its done. 6 pints of strong bow and 3/4 bottle of jack daniels (straight) I found myself throwing up behind the buffet table, knocked the wedding cake off. Fell down the concrete steps out side told the girl who came with me she was a dog and its her fault im in this mess, I woke up in hospital with drips in me, pulled them out staggered off home. Had to appologise to a lot of people.
Still cant drink Jd to this day! Bleurrghhhh!
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Sounds like a normal night out to me :wink:
many years ago... got absolutely paralytic in a club in spain.. passed out in the bogs in my own vomit
mate woke me up... said 'we're going home', saw another mate on the way out with a bird, walked up to him and I blew the definite shag he was up for when she asked 'is he with you?' pointing at me and then walking off in disgust.. he wasn't happy :grin:
threw up in the gutter, a lot
threw up over a taxi while my mates were insisting that I was sober enough for a taxi home, got refused a lift home
woke up on a large rock down by the beach when the sun came up over the mountains... took a sh!t behind a rock... felt a bit rough so wondered into town for some munch.. nowhere was open so a bench looked preferable to a hot rock on the beach and camped down on that
slept on that like a baby until about 10am when a policeman woke me up and loads of people were milling about, i didn't smell very nice
had a wash using the public drinking fountain in the town centre
went for a beer :smiley:
nothing spectacular and pretty standard for a night out
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That is nasty!
my mates stag in barcelona, theres a club down near the waters edge, at about 6am when we left i thought it would be a good idea to jump in the harbour, only after i jumped did i realise it was filled with dead fish and smelt like a swamp, and i cut my leg on the wood getting out, then realised it was about 12 ft to the pavement and i couldnt reach, so had to jump back in the stinking water and swim to the beach, not nice but my mates were creased, swimming through dead fish and my own vomit.
weirdly enough it was the only walk up the road where the prostitutes DIDNT harrass me, lol
theres still one night where me and my mate woke up in a house in gateshead, about 10 mile from where we were drinking, neither of us know how we got there even to this day!
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That is nasty!
my mates stag in barcelona, theres a club down near the waters edge, at about 6am when we left i thought it would be a good idea to jump in the harbour, only after i jumped did i realise it was filled with dead fish and smelt like a swamp, and i cut my leg on the wood getting out, then realised it was about 12 ft to the pavement and i couldnt reach, so had to jump back in the stinking water and swim to the beach, not nice but my mates were creased, swimming through dead fish and my own vomit.
weirdly enough it was the only walk up the road where the prostitutes DIDNT harrass me, lol
theres still one night where me and my mate woke up in a house in gateshead, about 10 mile from where we were drinking, neither of us know how we got there even to this day!
haha, and that is my nickname "nasty"
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On my little brothers stag weekend in Dublin a few years ago, my younger brother got in the lift in the hotel seriously pi**ed then couldn't understand how he could hear the doors opening but they were still closed , didn't realise it was a 2 way lift and the doors were opening behind him, next day he fell asleep in a exhibit at the guinness storehouse :grin: :grin:
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spent 2 days in amsterdam on my stag do.
didn't see a single hooker even though apartment was in red light district. :huh:
that said i remember leaving england and arriving back in bristol and thats it tbh
most of other nights out worth shouting about will involve sentancing if i posted on here :lipsrsealed: