What's the most sensitive part of your body when you're having a wank?
Your ears.
Nurse: Don't worry, it is perfectly normal to get an erection during this procedure.
Patient: But I don't have an erection.
Nurse: I do.
This Christmas I'm going to celebrate the way the proper Christians do,
By bullsh!tting old women's life savings out of them and f**king young boys...
The gorgeous woman from next door popped round today and said,"Hello handsome, are you free tonight?"
I said, "Er... wow... yes, yes I am."
She said, "Brilliant, can you watch my daughter while I go out?"
Ah well, when one door closes, another one opens.