acts like a washer and puts the shear load on the stronger part of the bolt as the metal is formed thicker. When you get your new bolt, try tightening the nut onto the bolt, don't screw a torque bolt into a nut, the torque is on the pull(nut) not the twist(bolt) when a nut is used. Try going in stages, do 20nm, 40nm 50nm then if feels good to go higher try, if that fails again, god knows why though on a 10mm thread, they should take 120nm no probs, get a bolt the same length from a proper supplier with a higher torsion number stamped on it, like 10.8 or 12 instead of 8.8. The size of the head on the bolt only matters if the area it sits is likely to be fouled by something. Hope you sort it!!