Don't give up, I didn't the same thing on my Mk1 MR2 and I'm probably as bad as you are with cars, and the MR2 is a lot harder

Sadly timing is everything on an engine, and it will not run unless it's right... if you think about it, it's trying to spark when there isn't anything to spark etc...
It's not a very difficult job, even for a newb

(I'm as newb as they come mate, so don't worry) just persistance and patience.
Everyone before me has given the right info, to add another (probably wrong bit of info) I put a very long screwdriver down the #1 sparkplug hole and manually turned the engine, when the piston came to the top of the travel, I guessed it was at TDC or 180o out

thats how I did it last, though that was on a Mk1 MR2

the mobile mechanic will have it done in mins mate
