New engine time
Had a call from the service department, confirmed there was zero compression in every cylinder. (as I know)
They now need to strip the head to assess damage (which I know. Cams, valves etc) £385 charge, refundable if the engine is damaged (which i know it is, free

)
He has already pre-empted it with VW UK who have agreed to send over a new engine free of charge.
He discussed labour costs, VW UK have agreed to cover 50% of labour costs and the dealership will give a good will gesture. How much hasn't yet been said yet but I'll kick up a fuss if I'm left with a hefty bill.
All in all a good result. All hail VW uk