I'll tell you a wee true story.
I got banned for a year in the nineties but was not fined.
How this came about is IMO quite funny.
I had a horrid week at work and went out for a drink. Unfortunately, I managed to consume a bottle of my favourite tipple: Chivas Regal. I felt on top of the world and went back to my car at 2am on a freezing winter morning. Being a responsible chap, I made a concious decision not to drive but to sleep it off in my beautiful new one day old black Alfa Romeo 164 Cloverleaf. As it was bitterly cold, I decided to keep myself warm and had the Climate on with the engine running. Bad move. Ten minutes into my well earned rest, there was a gentle tap on my window. Lo and behold two cops were beside me. They asked me whether it was my car and also if I had been drinking. I replied to both their questions with an emphatic YES. Things went downhill after that quite rapidly. Being in a very merry state, I suggested to one of the young cops that he was out too late and should have been nicely tucked in bed by his mother, Oh, that he was also a young p!sser who could not p!ss straight. He looked quite angry and I, in my state of fabulousness, could not quite understand why he wad so miffed. I also invited both of them to join me in my comfortable warm car. Obviously, I did not want them to catch a chill.
To cut a long story short, they made me blow into a bag which I did badly, and subsequently arrested me for being drunk with the intention of driving and not giving them a blow job. (I used those words). I was shocked at such unfairness.
I was then imprisoned in a police van with the wife of the then Chancellor of the Exchequer. She was arrested for the same crime. Her car was a beautiful black Jaguar XJ. (BTW, I went drinking in a very chic bar!).
Whilst I sat in this horrid van, freezing to death, I decided to have one more go at the ociffer (it was difficult to say officer). But instead of words, I merrily threw up all over him! I felt so much better after this and decidedly felt completely sober.
We were then driven to the Police Station where a urine sample was requested of me. The officer wished to stand near me whilst I urinated. I refused to oblige, being well brought up and shy. So they decided to get a blood sample. Now, I knew it would be a tough call for them to find a Doctor easily at that unholy hour. I was so right. Four hours later, a poor bedraggled doctor arrived and drew out some blood. Ofcourse, I helped him with the exact spot to poke me with .... on my arm of course.
Result: sadly just one point above the limit. Damn.
Anyway, I felt proud of my drinking prowess at that time. The next day and year was a completely different matter.
I've learnt my lesson the hard way and I never drink and drive.
Cheers!
