You might get some help if you didn't post in 3 sections! 1 post is sufficient.
You've pretty much knocked the nail on the head. If theres play in your linkage - its time to get it sorted. There's tonnes of posts on here about repairing the gear linkage. Mark2Mark - I think, has an uprated relay shaft ball which will take the slack out.
My old box used to be the same, you had to raise the clutch ever so slightly to get the g/box to pinch into gear and it was simply because the linkage was mal-aligned and worn (although it didn't help the box was shot). I got a bush repair kit from GSF, which to be honest was a little crappy and I would probably go OEM next time. The only real bush that needed replacing was the big orange one for the shift rod itself. My relay was busted too - and again - GSF's part didn't even fit, so I had to '
repair' my own myself. Since cleaning up the linkage and re-aligning it, all seems well with the world.