GolfGTIforum.co.uk
General => General discussion => Topic started by: Slim Shady on 28 October 2003, 10:06
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http://web.ukonline.co.uk/gazfives/my_clio_rsi.htm
Cars I've beaten - what a clown!!!!
LMFAO! :D
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What a lovely pile of crap ;)
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Nows the time to sell your Porsches and buy a clitio!
NOT!
What a dweeb! ;D
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Here is a list of cars and there spec's that I have beaten so far, they are:-
BMW 3 Series,
320i SE 0 - 60 10.3, 125 BHP, Top Speed 122MPH, Engine - 2.0i
318i 0 - 60 11.1, 115 BHP, Top Speed 114MPH, Engine - 1.8i
318Ti Sport Compact E46 0 - 60 9.9, 140 BHP, Top Speed 130MPH, Engine - 1.9i Turbo
318i SE E46 0 - 60 10.4, 118 BHP, Top Speed 123MPH, Engine - 1.9i
323i SE E46 0 - 60 8.0, 170 BHP, Top Speed 144MPH, Engine - 2.5i
BMW Z3's
1.8 0 - 60 10.5, 118 BHP, Top Speed 122MPH, Engine - 1.8i
2.0 0 - 60 8.9, 150 BHP, Top Speed 130MPH, Engine - 2.0i
Citroen Saxo's,
SX 0 - 60 11.2, 75 BHP, Top Speed 109MPH, Engine - 1.4
VTR 0 - 60 9.4, 90 BHP, Top Speed 120MPH, Engine - 1.6i
VTS 0 - 60 7.9, 120 BHP, Top Speed 120MPH, Engine - 1.6i
Ford Fiesta's,
MK1 XR2i 0 - 60 - 9.4, 84 BHP, Top Speed - 109 MPH, Engine -
MK2 XR2i 0 - 60 - 10.2, 96 BHP, Top Speed - 112 MPH, Engine - 1.8i 16v
Zectec S 0 - 60 - 10.2, 106 BHP, Top Speed 115 MPH, Engine - 1.6i 16v
RS Turbo 0 - 60 - 7.9, 133 BHP, Top Speed 132MPH, Engine
RS1800 0 - 60 8.0, 130 BHP, Top Speed 127MPH, Engine - 1.8
Ford Escort's,
MK3 RS1600i 0 - 60 8.7, 115 BHP, Top Speed 115MPH, Engine - 1.6i
MK3 XR3i 0 - 60 9.5, 105 BHP, Top Speed 119MPH, Engine -
MK4 XR3i 0 - 60 10.1, 108 BHP, Top Speed 120MPH, Engine - 1.8i
MK5 XR3i 0 - 60 8.6, 130 BHP, Top Speed 125MPH, Engine -
RS2000 0 - 60 8.3, 132 BHP, Top Speed 125MPH, Engine - 2.0i 16v
RS Turbo Series 1 0 - 60 7.8, 132 BHP, Top Speed 126MPH, Engine - 1.6 Turbo
RS Turbo Series 2 0 - 60 8.2, 132 BHP, Top Speed 125MPH, Engine
Si 0 - 60, BHP, Top Speed, Engine - 1.8i 16v
Mini's
One 0 - 60 10.4, 90 BHP, Top Speed 110MPH, Engine - 1.6i
Copper 0 - 60 8.6, 115 BHP, Top Speed 121MPH, Engine - 1.6i
Peugeot 106's,
GTi 0 - 60 8.2, 120 BHP, Top Speed 127MPH, Engine - 1.6i
Rallye 0 - 60 8.8, 100 BHP, Top Speed 118MPH, Engine - 1.3
Peugeot 206's,
GTi 0 - 60 8.4, 137 BHP, Top Speed 131MPH, Engine - 2.0i 16v
Peugeot 306's,
GTi-6 0 - 60 8.8, 167 BHP, Top Speed 135MPH, Engine - 2.0i 16v
Peugeot 406's,
Coupe 0 - 60 8.5, 194 BHP, Top Speed 144MPH, Engine - 3.0 V6
Vauxhall Corsa's,
Sport 0 - 60 - 10.5, 90 BHP, Top Speed 112MPH, Engine - 1.4i 16v
GSi 0 - 60 9.5, 106 BHP, Top Speed 119MPH, Engine
SRi 0 - 60 - 8.0, 123 BHP, Top Speed 126MPH, Engine - 1.8i 16v
Vauxhall Nova's,
GSi 0 - 60 - 9.1, 100 BHP, Top Speed 110MPH, Engine -
SRi 0 - 60 10.8, 82 BHP, Top Speed 109MPH, Engine -
Volkswagen Golf's,
MK1 GTi 0 - 60 9.0, 110 BHP, Top Speed 112MPH, Engine -
MK2 GTi 8v 0 - 60 8.3, 115 BHP, Top Speed 125MPH, Engine - 8v
Mk2 Gti 16v 0 - 60 7.9, 139 BHP, Top Speed 125MPH, Engine - 16v
MK3 GTi 0 - 60 9.9, 115 BHP, Top Speed 121MPH, Engine -
MK4 GTi 0 - 60 8.5, 150 BHP, Top Speed 130MPH, Engine -
Rallye 0 - 60 8.3, 160 BHP, Top Speed 120MPH, Engine -
And probably loads others but I can't be arsed naming them all, but there the main 1's, As far as I k now all the above cars were not tuned and all spec's are manufactures spec's.
The ones I am most impressed with is the ones I could keep up with in a straight line and in cornering were:-
Porsche Boxster
Volkswagen Corrado VR6
Looking at the specs of these cars, there isn't much in it between my RSi and those cars, my power to weight ratio is probably the reason for being able to keep up with them, with it being 115bhp per ton.
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What is it with these French car drivers? ???
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:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
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"there isn't much in it between my RSi and those cars, my power to weight ratio is probably the reason for being able to keep up with them, with it being 115bhp per ton."
THey were probably slowing down so they could laugh at your wheezy frnch pile of sh?t trying to keep up at 90 mph.
dear oh dear oh dear
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I've got a feeling theres going to be some rallye or corrado vr6 owners that may well disagree with this burberry hat wearing fool
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What a muppet! ;D
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0-100 in 15sec
would this maybe be 100cm's?
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I seem to recall spanking a Clio 172 the other day in my Valve.
poor little burberry hatted monkey was having trouble because his (new) car started pissing out blue smoke as I was on his arse.
I had to laugh - you paid HOW much for that.
Oh dear!
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class.
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Looks like the clio rsi is the fastest car in the world :-*
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The less said about him the better! I daren't take any of my motord down to his patch for fear of being wasted.
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If it beats Golfs, what the hells it gonna do to 205's!?! ??? BLIMEY
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Im mailing the guy to see if he wants to sell it! 8)
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How much ? 1p.
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I bet he's "taken" a few tasty motors in his renault 5 gts as well!
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Someone e-mail him and tell him to come on the forum so we can have a word with him lol
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Then I bought a pack of accessories for the outside of the car, in it was a tailpipe bit, 4 dust caps and wind deflectors for the windscreen wipers, all in silver. I put them all on but the tailpipe fell of when I went round a corner, one of the bolts had snap so I didn't bother with that again. The wind deflectors I got fed up with they just didn't look right and the dust caps are still on they look fine.
ahahahahhahaa
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Sounds like the fellas really "maxed it up", especially the dust caps
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He says neon lighting is next. That says it all, really.
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serious engine mods
I'm gonna give up doing my 1.8t conversion plans - and buy a Ren-naught
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The spec of the car is:-
0 to 60 8sec,
0 to 100 15sec,
Top Speed 121mph,
Brake Horse Power 110,
Weight 955kg,
Pounds Feet of Torque 155,
Power to weight ratio 115bhp per ton.
(These Performance Spec's are from the (Jack o'nory) Renault Clio Brochure 1990 - 1993)
Check out the torque figure compared to the bhp!
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Yep i noticed that , a lot of torque for a 110bhp engine!
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It gets better....
These are the cars he "could beat when everything is at the right temperature" in his 1.4 Renault 5:
BMW 3 Series,
318i 0 - 60 11.1, 115 BHP, Top Speed 114MPH, Engine - 1.8i
320i SE 0 - 60 10.3, 125 BHP, Top Speed 122MPH, Engine - 2.0i
318i SE E46 0 - 60 10.4, 118 BHP, Top Speed 123MPH, Engine - 1.9i
BMW Z3's
1.8 0 - 60 10.5, 118 BHP, Top Speed 122MPH, Engine - 1.8i
Citroen Saxo's,
SX 0 - 60 11.2, 75 BHP, Top Speed 109MPH, Engine - 1.4
Ford Fiesta's,
MK2 XR2i 0 - 60 - 10.2, 96 BHP, Top Speed - 112 MPH, Engine - 1.8i 16v
Ford Escort's,
MK4 XR3i 0 - 60 10.1, 108 BHP, Top Speed 120MPH, Engine - 1.8i
Mini's
One 0 - 60 10.4, 90 BHP, Top Speed 110MPH, Engine - 1.6i
Vauxhall Corsa's,
Sport 0 - 60 - 10.5, 90 BHP, Top Speed 112MPH, Engine - 1.4i 16v
SXi 0 - 60 - 12.0, 74 BHP, Top Speed 106MPH, Engine - 1.2i 16v
Vauxhall Nova's,
SRi 0 - 60 10.8, 82 BHP, Top Speed 109MPH, Engine -
And probably loads others but would be very sad of me to list them all, but there the main 1's.
And the one I'm most impressed with is beating 3 MR2's from the latest shape to the previous 1 on a dual carriageway then round a roundabout and on to the motorway I was most impressed, but the power to weight ratio would have been the main factor in that with it being 96bhp per ton.
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Major renault 5 modding going on here:
Replace the stripes down the sides as the were more orange then red,
Added red stripes to bonnet (Front off side) and on the sun roof (Front near side),
Cosmic exhaust tail end,
Cosmic gear stick,
Blue neon tubes in the foot well and the boot,
De-badged and sprayed the plastic bit the were on,
Removed a few rust spots from the boot door and in side the boot,
Heavy duty floor mats,
England number plates,
Stainless steel door sill protectors,
Silver tax disc holder.
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I've wasted all my money on engine tuning :'(
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If he stopped spending his pocket money on stupid stick on bits, he would be able to afford an R32!
Then he would be able to take the juice out of us. :D
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Scientific tests then.
I heard theyre gonna use his car in 'Fast and the Furious 3'
WICKED!! :D
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ROTFALMAO! ;D
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Oh..................my.................word.
What a c*nt.
He has obviously had some sort of Haemorrhage earlier in his life, that has warped him on many, many levels and left him, among other things, without a sense of self respect.
Who creates their own website to advertise what a total bellend they are?
I wouldn't dream of publishing the fact that I had stuck on a fake tailpipe trim (buy a new fcuking backbox dude), but I would pull out my own toenails before I told everyone that it had fallen off when going round a bend.
Oooh, dustcaps!!! Racey stuff. Thats good for another 50 bhp across the rev range.
I could type for hours and hours about this guy, but we all think it anyway. So, instead I'll leave you all with a piece of breaking news:
" After failing to top the McLaren F1's acceleration and top speed figures, and after embarrasment caused by the greatness of the new Porsche GT, Ferrari have unveiled their plans for a sooner-than expected Enzo replacement.
Apparently, its going to be based on a 1993 Clio RSi, but by smothering the car in glue and driving through the accessory department at Halfords, they have been able to achieve 8000 bhp via all of the Paraphernalia that stuck to the car (the stick-on compass/clock combo dashboard ornament was good for 650 bhp just on its own). It is now reportedly faster than the spaceshuttle in a straight line, and can keep up with everything on the road (invalid cars excluded).
Keep an eye out for it on the road - you can't miss the pre-pubescent styling skills, or the pieces of interior trim as they collapse about the car.
Cock.
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lol
:D
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Hey you forgot to mention the heavy duty floor mat "mod", thats gotta be worth a few more horses! :P
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That's one of the funniest things i've read in ages. I love the line about his Renault 5 GTS Panache......"While I was learning I did go out in a bit with my dad and I thought it was great, but at that point I was no expert too say, but when my dad took the car out it just seemed too come alive and fly but then again my dads like that with anything my dad drive but even he said it was a very nippy car." What a T-W-A-T. ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Mind you, I gotta admit when I was 17 I has some
sh!t cars that I thought were the dogs danglies. I finally came to my senses by 21, looks like he hasnt!
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I love this kid - can we invite him on to do a guest slot when we get the live chat room up again?
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:D :D :D :D :D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)
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Lets invite him to a field so we can set fire to him and that f**king sh!t shopping waggon
C
O
C
K
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He had noticed the eco-tek valve sounds like someone slurping on a McDonalds straw - and he is sure to know what that sounds like ;D
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all i will say is, what a c**k-s**ker!
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i no its a bit late an it's yesterdays news but that is the bollox, never laughed so much at a computer screen, that was classic comedy, so many quality comments i'm gonna send the link to all my friends! an set it up in my fav's section just read once a week, to make me laugh!!
absolute genuis ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :D :D ;D ;D :D :D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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I was so impressed i went back for another laugh, just thought i would share a few of my personal fav quotes
" with 4 forty WATT speakers" umm there big!
"i floored it an got to sixty over a bridge"i would of sh!t myself to!
"reflecters all over the place"what the f**k for!
And last an by no means least"semi bucket seats" very cumfy!
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LOL what a total loony tunes. At least it keeps him happy living in his own little world.
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Volkswagen Golf's - All - Apart from the R32 what a Golf - A bit disappointed with Golf's I do like them but they are slower than most of the cars they are competing with and there interiors are not very nice.
Okay then...whatever you say. First of all i have never found anything wrong with vw interiors, and secondly i bet his interior means he kills all those vr6's etc. perhaps he should be telling the Le Mans boys that, hang some fluffy dice in the car and you get an extra 25mph on the Mulsanne...The thing is he clearly knows nothing, i'd love to have a conversation with him in person about his 'tuned' clio, would be absolutely hilarious.
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so have you got a r32 then??? (enough respect if u have) if so why are all golf interiors not that good???? if found them ok, no probs etc, comfortable not boring likr vauxhalls?. oh yeah r u a big french car fan????
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i wouldnt say all the golfs are slow either, alot of it is down to driver ability, dont always go on 0-60 and top speed spec sheets
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that was a quote from the pikeys website, thats not my opinion, i'd love an R32, and never had any problems with VW interior either.
That was my bad probably should ahve put ina quote box as opposed to jsut inverted commas.
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yep did seem a bit unclear!!!!, not kicking off or nowt!!!, just thought it sounded a bit anti vw for a gti website thats all
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no no mate, sorry if it came across like that, changed it now. yeah it would seem a little odd to rinse the flagship gti like that, hope i cleared it all up now.
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no probs matey 8)
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I laughed so much that a bit of WEE came out!!!!! lol
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hey get that bladder under control babes it aint that funny !!!! he he he he ;D ;D ;D ;D
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i wouldnt say all the golfs are slow either, alot of it is down to driver ability, dont always go on 0-60 and top speed spec sheets
as if any self respectin owner of the cars he mentioned would waste hard earned petrol, an tyre rubber racin a metal pot wiv a coke can stuck the exhaust, unless he's racin them after that corner where it fell off!
He never beat them he was racin wiv himself, i can see it now, at the lights, the glisenin z3 or golf purrin away nice an idle, and this wolly revvin the sh!t out of his engine so much it sounds like theres someone playin the spoons inder the bonnet, fiddlin wiv his nobs making sure everything is at the right tempereture!!! ha ah ha ha ha ha makes me laugh every time i think bout it! ;D ;D
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hey cool it there a bit or we'll have another french invasion!!! lol 8)
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA what a poncey clio twit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
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I dunno - I'm having difficulty believing that this is legit.
I'm kinda hoping it's a fake as there really can't be people like that out there.................
Please - someone tell me it's a fake.