I'm going to risk taking the thread away from "Carry On" territory, and make a boring post about what I've actually done to my Mark 7 GTI. I know, I know...
Anyway. Last week I had the wheel alignment checked and adjusted by a local specialist. I asked the VW dealer to do it when I did the deal to buy the car, but I wanted it verified independently - when I test drove the car the steering wheel was a few degrees to the right, and the car had a new pair of Kumho's on the front, so I wanted to make sure that it hadn't suffered any impact damage. That and having owned a Honda S2000 and previously worked on a single seater racer I like to make sure that all of my wheels point in the right direction.
Having done that, I've now taken the car to Costco and had a new set of Michelin PS4's fitted. Which as far as I'm concerned makes the standard car as good as it can be, without any other modifications. Costco are really good for tyres - other than their prices (£388 for the Michelins, fitted), they're really careful with the wheels, don't use air wrenches if you ask them not to, and even wash the insides of the wheels. I can only speak for my local (Southampton) Costco, obviously.
For now, I'm very pleased with the car, and haven't really got anything else lined up for it. For me, that says a lot about the standard car, and how capable it is.
Ok, back to the cast of "Carry On". I'm going to read all of the "pussy" posts in the voices of Kenneth Williams and Mrs Slocombe.