PROBLEM SOLVED
or rather, problem solved by pure luck or just because the car loves its owner (the missus) more than it loves me.
Anyways, after i had spent every night this week and lunchtimes at work trying different things to clear the problem with no luck, i hand the keys back over to the missus to take to her garage so it can be mot'd.
i get a call back later in the morning and she says the problem has dissapeared! i asked what she has done and all that happened was that she put the drivers seat back forward as i have it right back and also the passenger seat as well as i'd had that back rummaging around in the footwell looking for any loose wiring. and by the time it got to the garage, the problem was gone. unbelievable
i know there is a chance it might come back as i have no clue what happened in the first place, but sod it i'm happy i don't have to spend any more time on it. And to add an even bigger bonus, the car flew through its mot and needed nothing at all.
so all back to normal, and i even got a straight steering wheel and bought a vag-com out of the experience!
thanks to everyone for the suggestions and help, its was all gratefully received.
a happy drive way once again!