Disconnected the sound actuator. What a difference! I was never a fan and now I can have everything in sport without the pseudo sound. Result.
Grateful for your advice on this, I tried to do disconnect the actuator yesterday but couldn't move the plug, not very easy when I couldn't really see what I was doing because of the poor access, but didn't want to put too much pressure on the plug when I was trying to pull it down. I moved the little locking tab on it but couldn't get it to move and just ended up skinning the top of my hand in the process!
Maybe I'll just wait until its service next month and ask the dealer to turn it off with VCDS.