Much better, but too much vignette on the sides.
I'd also agree that it needs to have been shot from lower down to get a bit more perspective/distance in the shot.
What you've got there is a good edit of the shot, but with hindsight you can see that trying the same shot from 3 shooting heights would have provided you with better options. That shot looks like it was taken standing, if you'd also shot from say waist height, and then a lower shot from a low crouch. Each of those would have given more distance/perspective and eventually more sky.
Sometimes you only get one chance at a shot and you do the best you can, but when you have the time, shoot a scene from a couple of different angles to see which is better at editing stage.