OK, after much to-ing and fro-ing, the local dealership group, Pulman, have confirmed that the bodywork issue is copiuous amounts of fallout that should have been dealt with by the PDI process and clearly haven't been. They had a quick go with a 3M polishing compound that wouldn't touch the fallout, but some progress was made with a claybar - their prognosis is that a detailer should be paid to claybar the whole car.
The guy I dealt with at Pulman kindly emailed the head of sales at the supplying dealership stating as much.
I am hoping that this prompts the head of sales to backtrack from his initial stance of "if you won't bring it all the way back to Woking, I won't do anything for you" (with no guarantees that they would do anything even if I did).
I've been trying to call them for ages but no one is picking up the phone. I have a few things to consider mentioning, but going off some of heir trust pilot reviews, I don't think they'll give a sh!te.
1. I'm pretty sure I could return the car under the distance selling laws and get my money back (leaving them with a second hand car to sell) - all selling documentation was signed remotely, the car was paid for in full, remotely and I simply picked the car up and drove it off, 8 days ago. According to the car sales ombudsman website, this constitutes a distance sale. I have looked through all of the contractual stuff and there's nothing there that obliges me to waive my distance selling rights. Seems a bit extreme, but there are still a few other e-boosts available.
2. Given the timing of the first Born's collection (a week prior to this one) and subsequent contact by Cupra UK for the customer satisfaction survey (last Friday), the customer satisfaction survey for this Born is imminent - i'll be sure to give them a sh!tty rating if they refuse to have the issue resolved remotely at their cost.
Update: Finally got to speak to the sales manager after being repeatedly hung up on during auto transfer when calling the sales team directly, then calling the service team and asking to be transferred.
He's a waffler, suggesting that a detailer is a no go as they are "fanatics" with standards way beyond expectations for anyone not buying a Ferrari. I kind of agree with that to an extent - I wouldn't pay £600 for paint correction and a ceramic coat like some would do here. However, he reckons that £70 for a clay bar all over is what they pay to their external contracted body shops to do it for them when required, no way in the world would anyone just charge that for what is probably 2-3 hours labour plus the cost of a clay bar and some lubricant
Presumably a machine polish is required afterwards to get rid of any clay marring/holograms, so there's another 30-60 mins labour. I can't see that running to less than £150 all in. He gave the impression that the born arrives fully covered, but the local dealership showed me the coverings - basically the whole tailgate, the tiny bonnet, but not the surrounding area (that looks part of the bonnet, but isn't) and a bit on the front bumper are all that is covered.
He's presumably escalated it and says he will call me tomorrow, i'm doubtful.