Why won't is pass the vic test?
This.
You're in an odd situation, if you've bought an un-VICed car (done it myself, unintentionally), as I don't think they'll issue a V5 without the VIC being completed.
This does mean you can't SORN it, but I would imagine you're now the registered keeper. The idea is that you get the VIC done ASAP, but if you don't want to put the car on the road then you're in a sort of no man's land and I'm not sure the DVLA are going to know what the hell to do as you don't fit into the 'normal' categories or behaviour.
Best thing to do is pick up the phone to the DVLA and talk to them - explain your situation and what you want to do with the car.