well i've had a reply from germany, they say speak to uk vw. so i did, theyre saying nothing can be done(my arse) the reason i say this is because ive been speaking to a guy who works at a vw garage and he says
"I work for VW at a dealer and can advise that the electrosteering can be adapated to be lighter via downloaded map files to the steering ECU, you may have to contact motability for the authorisation for this to be done but it seems you havent been directed to the correct people for the help you need, contact your local dealer and ask if you can have the steering remapped for disability and that will get the ball rolling.. hope this helps?"
the problem is vw have closed my complaint, but i guess i'll be opening another... fingers crossed
merry christmas