My wife likes the DSG Golf R...
So you are getting a Golf R then!
With the ACC (adaptive cruise control) fitted as standard - I cannot recommend the DSG enough. They work brilliantly together and make driving much more relaxing.
I also had to decide between the GTI and R. I made a long list of pros and cons and settled on the GTI(spec below). It just ticked more boxes for me.
3 things to be aware of with the R. It has a smaller boot. It has a much larger turning circle. Many people have noticed that it has better ride comfort in back to back tests with the standard GTI suspension.
1 thing to be aware of with the GTI. It can suffer from tramping/wheel hop. Especially in the wet with poor tyres. You may have experienced this with the GTD. I did with my GTD. The GTI PP (performance pack) ELSD (electronic limited slip differential) does not completely eliminate tramping. Though it is much less of an issue.
There are people who will try and tell you that the Golf R is much better in poor weather. They are partly right. The Golf R with four wheel drive will
accelerate much better when traction is an issue. However, four wheel drive does little to help with cornering and
does nothing to help with braking the car. Ultimately grip comes from your tyres and not your drive system.
Two great cars whatever you both decide.